I'm a 23 year old woman, I am aware of BDSM since I was 13 (a mild taste of it while reading stories mostly), but I lost interest quickly. I had my first relationship with a Dom at 18. I know he was a Dom because lately I have been reading a lot about this and a lot of his gestures and actions fit perfectly. Right now i have a relationship with a guy who is 3 years younger than me and I had to teach him even the basics. I completely love the whole concept of submission, even touching the extremes of intense pain and blood, but I have been 'sexually training' my partener(only basics of plain vanilla sex). In real life i hold a position that gives me control over others and decides schedules and financial steps to be taken. I love it as well, i have absolutely no intention to be ordered around. However while in bed im poles apart. Is it possible to be opposites in different areas in your life (sexually a slave, professionally a dom)? My boyfriend tried to fullfil my fantasy, but i can t get into his "play". I don't see him able to overpower me; hence my question...does a dom have to surpass a sub both intelectually and physically? Does a sub need to acknowledge a dom as his superior to be able to submit? Or is it just a simple skin deep role play where a sub just accepts its position? Also, i cannot speak during sex, i don't like answering, putting questions, talking; I don't even know if i am a sub anymore, hence i chose the dominant launge, but i still fantasize about men who could just choke my thoughts to an end and i still want my relationship to continue. We haven't had sex for 4 months after that failed attempt. A bit despressed that the man with whom id like to live my life could never fulfill my fantasy. Couldn't shorten this more.