Today I revoked my submission to my owner.
It was painful decision based on some information I found out that broke my trust in him. When we first began our D/s, I informed him that I was monogamous and expected the same from him. He responded with "of course dear." I pressed him and he said he would "behave accordingly" so I understood that to mean that he agreed. We were exclusive. Monogamous. Just him and me.
Last night I found out that he has a girlfriend.
I was devastated. He lied. First by omission--not informing me that he was dating someone, knowing that I thought he was solely mine--and then by indicating that he agreed to be monogamous to me. It was agonizing. How could I ever trust him again after that? (Best part: he was going to choose between us. Her, the girlfriend he has been dating for a year and me, the submissive he wanted to be his domestic and sexual slave.)
I have wept. I have raged. I have bitched and complained contemplated using his head as basketball. I have cuddled with my dogs, watched television, went out briefly to get gas in my vehicle, brutally practiced guitar, worked on assignments for class, responded to messages, and cried again.
Today is the first day of being free, and I feel numb now. I did things that were against his rules because now I can. It makes it more solidified, more real. I almost wish I had never found out, but I can't put the blinders back on now. The only way to go is forward.
No more morning and nightly reports. No more chimes of the phone. No more tasks. No more curfew.
I already miss the structure, the freedom of being owned. I miss having rules. More than him, more than the tasks and chatter and flirtation, I miss that.
A submissive without a Dominant is a boat adrift in the sea.
It was painful decision based on some information I found out that broke my trust in him. When we first began our D/s, I informed him that I was monogamous and expected the same from him. He responded with "of course dear." I pressed him and he said he would "behave accordingly" so I understood that to mean that he agreed. We were exclusive. Monogamous. Just him and me.
Last night I found out that he has a girlfriend.
I was devastated. He lied. First by omission--not informing me that he was dating someone, knowing that I thought he was solely mine--and then by indicating that he agreed to be monogamous to me. It was agonizing. How could I ever trust him again after that? (Best part: he was going to choose between us. Her, the girlfriend he has been dating for a year and me, the submissive he wanted to be his domestic and sexual slave.)
I have wept. I have raged. I have bitched and complained contemplated using his head as basketball. I have cuddled with my dogs, watched television, went out briefly to get gas in my vehicle, brutally practiced guitar, worked on assignments for class, responded to messages, and cried again.
Today is the first day of being free, and I feel numb now. I did things that were against his rules because now I can. It makes it more solidified, more real. I almost wish I had never found out, but I can't put the blinders back on now. The only way to go is forward.
No more morning and nightly reports. No more chimes of the phone. No more tasks. No more curfew.
I already miss the structure, the freedom of being owned. I miss having rules. More than him, more than the tasks and chatter and flirtation, I miss that.
A submissive without a Dominant is a boat adrift in the sea.
