Ok, so me(top) and my gf(sub) are pretty new to any sort of BDSM but were still doing it and we both love it(Note: the top/sub relationship is only sexual). Here is the first major barrier we have come across and how we came to it.
We had been mostly sticking to hair pulling, some manhandling, calling her things like "slut" or "whore" or whatnot and if we had the time then some bondage and flogging. However, we were pretty new and therefore pretty reserved about everything, the confidence just wasn't there until last time. The last time we did this, it just clicked for me as being the dominant one. I was confident in what I was saying I made her do everything I wanted, she never asked me to slow down or anything and we're pretty good about communicating. She orgasmed multiple times and said it was a great time but the problem was the next day I found out she didn't want to do things that rough again because she said she basically felt shitty about herself afterwards that night(after I left) and a little the next day. Naturally I felt terrible about this because I had been doing the research on this stuff and read about aftercare but I'm pretty sure I messed it up because its supposed to make it so this is avoided. I cuddled with her and made sure she knew that I cared about her on more than a sexual level and we had vanilla sex 2 more times after that but she still felt bad the next day. Were going to slow back down to where we were and build up slower to see where we should be stopping for now but is there anything I am missing or that others find helpful for aftercare/avoiding the feeling bad part? Or is this even an aftercare thing or just a personal limit thing(because she liked it at the time just afterwards wasn't good).
We had been mostly sticking to hair pulling, some manhandling, calling her things like "slut" or "whore" or whatnot and if we had the time then some bondage and flogging. However, we were pretty new and therefore pretty reserved about everything, the confidence just wasn't there until last time. The last time we did this, it just clicked for me as being the dominant one. I was confident in what I was saying I made her do everything I wanted, she never asked me to slow down or anything and we're pretty good about communicating. She orgasmed multiple times and said it was a great time but the problem was the next day I found out she didn't want to do things that rough again because she said she basically felt shitty about herself afterwards that night(after I left) and a little the next day. Naturally I felt terrible about this because I had been doing the research on this stuff and read about aftercare but I'm pretty sure I messed it up because its supposed to make it so this is avoided. I cuddled with her and made sure she knew that I cared about her on more than a sexual level and we had vanilla sex 2 more times after that but she still felt bad the next day. Were going to slow back down to where we were and build up slower to see where we should be stopping for now but is there anything I am missing or that others find helpful for aftercare/avoiding the feeling bad part? Or is this even an aftercare thing or just a personal limit thing(because she liked it at the time just afterwards wasn't good).