Do men objectify femdoms?

[nina]

Lurking around I have come across many submissive men talking about their femdom fantasies where the female dominant/top is always extremely sexy, always dressed very sexily and wears the highest heels, now I understand fantasies and there's nothing wrong in it.

But somehow these objectified physical traits have also made their way into general expectations and requirements sometimes reflected in ads seeking for femdoms as well. I may be wrong about my perceptions and that is the reason why I have made this thread to seek more insights.

I feel such expectations may be influenced from porn or paid services etc. idk and if one is really looking to experience submission in D/s dynamic with regular people then this false expectation is self defeating as this kind of objectification is actually subjugation of someone you want to submit to and just FYI heels that high aren't that comfortable. The reason why this topic crossed my mind was as a female sub I never objectified male doms or felt that to be a relevant factor to be considered but then that could just be me.

Again like I said, I do not believe this is always true for everyone and just wanted to gather some insights from all of you to gain some perspective on this. So share your thoughts on this topic and please don't attack me for posting this thread, pretty please..lol.

 

[Randomo]

Personally I think this isn't a thing. Advertising and reality in kinks are always different. It works both ways as well, in that very picture it shows a relatively fit male as well. It's literally selling sex and attractive people will sell sex more then an average person.

Also femdom isnt about physical attraction, it's about creativity and control. So if someone saying their fantasy is an hot femdom then they don't actually care about the kink. They just saw wolf of wallstreet and wanna have sex with a hot women that kinda aggressive.

That's my thoughts.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Hmmm, just recalling my days in the SF scene an awful lot of the Dommes did like to play to that stereotypical look. Of course the reality was many(most) of them were not built like the gal in your image but they still liked the uniform I think. Heels, mostly boots with leather or vinyl corsets etc, those heels aren't just for show either, I have seen them used most cruelly!
The other reason that I think they liked it was how it made the guys look at them, like drooling puppy dogs, lol...
So maybe it is a kind of objectification, but they still hold the whip!

 

[nina]

So maybe it is a kind of objectification, but they still hold the whip!

But it is still a kind of unfair objectification that male counterparts do not deal with.. or do they?

And while SF scene Dommes may like it, not everyone may be into projecting themselves similarly

Personally I think this isn't a thing. Advertising and reality in kinks are always different. It works both ways as well, in that very picture it shows a relatively fit male as well. It's literally selling sex and attractive people will sell sex more then an average person.

I do agree that it's just marketing and fantasy differs from reality. And this is what regular kinky folks need to realise in terms of expectations if they already don't.

Thank you both for responding to this thread.

 

[J91]

I think more often than not it's not about men objectifying women, but about women playing upto the stereotype. This surpasses BDSM and is a very relevant and current issue when we look at how women feel like they need to dress or look (I could go on and on about this....but I'll stop there).

As a female sub for a female Domme, I've never objectified anyone I have been with, but I do think physical attraction has something to do with it. Somehow it makes me more submissive. However, physical attraction for me usually comes after getting to know someone. So I think it's a case of, you would always be attracted to someone you are submitting to.

I've gone a bit off topic there.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

But it is still a kind of unfair objectification that male counterparts do not deal with.. or do they?

And while SF scene Dommes may like it, not everyone may be into projecting themselves similarly


I do agree that it's just marketing and fantasy differs from reality. And this is what regular kinky folks need to realise in terms of expectations if they already don't.

Thank you both for responding to this thread.

Lol, well yes my only reference is about 10 years out of date and somewhat specific, pretty much everything in the SF scene was a bit over the top.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

I think more often than not it's not about men objectifying women, but about women playing upto the stereotype. This surpasses BDSM and is a very relevant and current issue when we look at how women feel like they need to dress or look (I could go on and on about this....but I'll stop there).

As a female sub for a female Domme, I've never objectified anyone I have been with, but I do think physical attraction has something to do with it. Somehow it makes me more submissive. However, physical attraction for me usually comes after getting to know someone. So I think it's a case of, you would always be attracted to someone you are submitting to.

I've gone a bit off topic there.

No not really, and in some respects this playing to a stereotype is what I mentioned before.
And when I said about holding the whip I actually meant it literally and metaphorically, I've seen that gleam in the eye those Domme's had when a troupe of sub guys were groveling at their feet. Exactly who were the objectified in that scene?

 

[J91]

No not really, and in some respects this playing to a stereotype is what I mentioned before.
And when I said about holding the whip I actually meant it literally and metaphorically, I've seen that gleam in the eye those Domme's had when a troupe of sub guys were groveling at their feet. Exactly who were the objectified in that scene?

I agree with the whips, but I don't think it's necessary to dress a particular way to achieve the same effect. By that, I mean a similar attire to the picture above. Now if someone is doing it for their own benefit, then fair enough.

 

[nina]

I think more often than not it's not about men objectifying women, but about women playing upto the stereotype. This surpasses BDSM and is a very relevant and current issue when we look at how women feel like they need to dress or look (I could go on and on about this....but I'll stop there).

As a female sub for a female Domme, I've never objectified anyone I have been with, but I do think physical attraction has something to do with it. Somehow it makes me more submissive. However, physical attraction for me usually comes after getting to know someone. So I think it's a case of, you would always be attracted to someone you are submitting to.

I've gone a bit off topic there.

Excellent point that women also play upto the stereotype.

Also personally I feel physical attraction is different from objectification in this context as here it is more about dressing/presenting someone in a stereotypical way (can it be called a fetish?) than just being naturally beautiful or attractive to the partner.

 

[oddjobber]

The widespread porn industry has something to do with perceiving the female domme aa the stereotypical dominatrix..latex included..certainly a far cry from the reality. It's certainly one aspect but not the whole reality. I think the online bombardement of that imagery may mislead many newer folks and lead to those misconceptions and "topping from the bottom"

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Excellent point that women also play upto the stereotype.

Also personally I feel physical attraction is different from objectification in this context as here it is more about dressing/presenting someone in a stereotypical way (can it be called a fetish?) than just being naturally beautiful or attractive to the partner.

Yes indeed, I totally forgot about that aspect of it, fetish wear!
Some simply love the look and feel of the vinyl and leather stuff, tight and often very revealing, even bizarre! We actually have a member here, who I count among my many sub friends who is, I would almost say obsessed with it, I must see if I can get her to lend her views to us all.

 

[piesocial]

I feel such expectations may be influenced from porn or paid services etc.

In my opinion you're on to something here. With so many femdoms being pay to play it's common for sub men to start believing it's a buyers market and they can demand whatever they want. Porn is similar, if you watch femdom porn quite often the subs are old, bald, or otherwise unattractive. Most of the time they're even wearing masks.

This is because it has shifted so much, not only are male actors in femdom unpaid but they're often paying.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

In my opinion you're on to something here. With so many femdoms being pay to play it's common for sub men to start believing it's a buyers market and they can demand whatever they want. Porn is similar, if you watch femdom porn quite often the subs are old, bald, or otherwise unattractive. Most of the time they're even wearing masks.

This is because it has shifted so much, not only are male actors in femdom unpaid but they're often paying.

Which would lead to endless disappointment for newbies who are basing their expectation on what is basically an image created by professional performers. Its kinda like vanilla guys in high school who are hoping to have a girlfriend that looks like the latest movie starlet!

 

[BlaqPeppa]

Not sure how a kinky fantasy involving an attractive, well dressed, sexy partner is "objectification". It's just a kinky fantasy...
I don't think I've ever seen a personal from a submissive seeking a femdom and demanding those traits (that would be very not-submissive), though to be fair I don't look at many as most look like they're posted by morons (alas, every demographic is mostly morons). Also it's completely normal and natural to only seek partners who you can be sexually attracted to anyway. That's just biology yo!

The heels thing? I'm with you, they don't look comfortable, nor practical... yet everytime I've joked about women wearing them or even just suggested they don't need to, the reaction is generally negative or dismissive, so I've learned to just shut my mouth, lol. Not sure heels has anything to do with this, it's just a thing...

And obviously *being* objectified is a large part of the idea of being a sub in many ways - it's a big part of the fantasy itself... so I'm not sure you can really call a sub that objectifies a dom a "sub" anyway? Or am I misunderstanding the already vague concept of objectification?

So yeah, I'm gonna be the first to vote "no" because I think the question is based around somewhat of a false premise and even if it wasn't, would merely be over-generalising a large demographic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[nina]

Honestly it was more about seeking insights on a perceived observation rather than trying to establish a sound premise.

@BlaqPeppa, you did make some good points, thanks for sharing your thoughts, much appreciated

 

[Doctor Pervert]

This does seem to be a more complicated or maybe contentious concept the more we dig.
I only just really took notice of the title "Do men objectify Femdoms?" which may or may not have been part of your question @nina "men", rather than "male subs"?
Which really leads us to the point raised by @BlaqPeppa about the objectification of women being somewhat vague especially if you bring in the point raised by @J91 about women (specifically femdoms) playing to a stereotype which makes them complicit in a way.
It certainly becomes very muddy when you factor in making yourself look sexually appealing, as per the original illustration. Is this because you enjoy looking that way, that it makes you feel powerful and sexy, or is that you feel you need to dress like that to have any chance of appealing to the sub guys? Which does kind of spill outside kink circles (also mentioned I think by @J91) into the more general do women dress sexy, wear make up etc because they like the way it makes them look or because they think thats what men want to see. Which almost certainly desrers a thread of its own if someone wants to run with it, lol...

 

[nina]

I intended to mean men only and not male subs as my perception was it roots from gender bias issues. I do think, not having gone through male subs ads myself that, that example was inaccurate, however my broader point is that some men do have this perception, particularly those who are newer or more exposed to porn, which is also a large chunk in such sites and it may also be due to those fake domme ads to which men also respond enthusiastically, confirming both points that women are burdened with the stereotype and they also live up this expectation.

The unfairness is that to the best of my knowledge male doms do not have any such stereotypes. And while it is not true that all men have this perception but only a few may, similarly not all women, even dominant ones in the kinky context may recognize with dressing that way to feel empowered. Again the topic is definitely deeper and I posted this thread as a curiosity rather than a verdict..lol

Also just google search maledom and then femdom and see the dressing differences, I observed >90% of femdoms dressed like that which is far from how things are in many real D/s relationships imho while I saw male doms dressed casually, formally, normally and even naked, basically however they liked, While this is porn and media and thus misleading example, it still does shape perceptions. Maybe those expectations aren't conveyed by men or male subs due to rarity of dommes but the point is, do they secretly exist and if yes how prevalent it is.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Also just google search maledom and then femdom and see the dressing differences, I observed <90% of femdoms dressed like that which is far from many real D/s relationships imho while I saw male doms dressed casually, formally, normally and even naked, basically however they liked, While this is porn and media and thus misleading eg it still does shape perceptions. Maybe those expectations aren't conveyed by men or male subs due to rarity of dommes but my point was, do they secretly exist and if yes how prevalent it is.

Did you mean <90% or >90%?

 

[nina]

oops I meant >90%.. will edit it

 

[BlaqPeppa]

I think male doms have their own stereotypes too. It is usually assumed that one who likes to play a dominant BDSM role is a "strong alpha male" and one who likes to play a submissive role is a "weak beta male" and such. I think there has been a stigma around men being submissive that has started to be countered in recent times. Sure, the ways male doms dress might be more flexible but that's just appearances and I think another natural norm that occurs - men are expected to be masculine, strong and take control while women are expected to look attractive and be submissive. To me femdom breaks that mould and reverses things in many ways and personally that's one of the major reasons I find myself into it.

Personally I don't mind what the domme wears, it's seeing that "untypical" behaviour in women and switching roles from the "norm" that makes it alluring for me, but honestly there is appeal to the "typical domme image" too. I think it's somewhat similar to how many women find men in typically masculine uniforms attractive. It's the "uniform" of female domination that says in its appearance "I am the dominant one here", while still being "feminine". AFAIK female domination is still a growing thing though and as you say, there are actually relatively few female dominants around, so of course the overwhelming number of submissive males may only have the pornographic image of femdoms in mind as there is no alternative and not enough "real" counterparts exist to set any distinction. Maybe (and hopefully) the popularity in porn might encourage more females to try femdom themselves as the stigma breaks, and whether they decide to follow along with how it's being popularised by porn, come with their own style, or discover how you say "real" dommes in the past dress, remains to be seen. It's all good in my opinion.