How to get Him to push harder

[babygirl_311]

I don't know what I need really. To start with I am married and have been for 11 years my Husband is dominant and we have always been fairly kinky and open to whatever. He has no issues with it in the bedroom specifically. But I have always been submissive and highly sexual and there are many times I crave it outside the bedroom too and its not that it doesn't exist outside of the bedroom because it does, but it's different. For example, He smacks me and spanks me sexually but not in any other context of like punishment per say, because He is afraid to hurt me or for it to feel abusive, and I get that, but sometimes I crave it and I've told Him this before but I just cant gauge if thats really the reason He doesnt do it or not. I guess more than anything I just want to know if theres any good way to coax Him to try it more without sounding like desperate and crazy. We do communicate really well and I feel like if i truly wanted Him to he would do anything for my happiness and pleasure but the submissive in me feels like i shouldnt ask Him to do it if it isnt what turns Him on as well...

Also, i have a kink for being degraded but i have barely mentioned it to Him before because i truly think it might disturb Him and not be something He is ok doing, any ideas of how to approach that topic in a delicate way?

 

[Zanatas]

I don't know what I need really. To start with I am married and have been for 11 years my husband is dominant and we have always been fairly kinky and open to whatever. He has no issues with it in the bedroom specifically. But I have always been submissive and highly sexual and there are many times I crave it outside the bedroom too and its not that it doesn't exist outside of the bedroom because it does, but it's different. For example, he smacks me and spanks me sexually but not in any other context of like punishment per say, because he is afraid to hurt me or for it to feel abusive, and I get that, but sometimes I crave it and I've told him this before but I just cant gauge if thats really the reason he doesnt do it or not. I guess more than anything I just want to know if theres any good way to coax him to try it more without sounding like desperate and crazy. We do communicate really well and I feel like if i truly wanted him to he would do anything for my happiness and pleasure but the submissive in me feels like i shouldnt ask him to do it if it isnt what turns him on as well...

Also, i have a kink for being degraded but i have barely mentioned it to him before because i truly think it might disturb him and not be something he is ok doing, any ideas of how to approach that topic in a delicate way?

Sorry for you situation, must suck having to be in this predicament. The only thing that comes to mind is both of you sitting down and having an open and honest conversation, without any hierarchy dynamic, about how you feel, ahat you want, etc and then making him say the same, without any fear. Explain what you want and why, see what he does want and etc etc. Also I truly believe you shouldn't hide your kinks from your partner, even if you think he wouldn't like it or he wouldn't understand, etc, gives more things to talk about and it would show a huge sign of confidence in him (in my eyes). Hope things get better!

 

[babygirl_311]

I don't necessarily feel like its a predicament, I love Him and He loves me and we are happy. I just don't want him to feel like me saying i might want more means in any way that He isnt already enough.
As far as hiding the kink, I more or less know that if i truly tell Him its something i really want He will do it and i dont want him to not be into it and only do it for me, if that makes sense

 

[Zanatas]

I don't necessarily feel like its a predicament, I love Him and He loves me and we are happy. I just don't want him to feel like me saying i might want more means in any way that He isnt already enough.
As far as hiding the kink, I more or less know that if i truly tell Him its something i really want He will do it and i dont want him to not be into it and only do it for me, if that makes sense

Sorry, I'm not a native English speaker, I thought predicament just meant situation too. Also, you can say that do him, making him understand that he's already great and you just want something different, so there's no doubt that he's not putting in the work.
And about the him doing something for you instead of enjoying himself, I believe every couple kinda does that already and that it isn't a bad thing necessary. Unless is something that he sees in a negative way, doing something because of you shouldn't affect him or anything, it would be just a neutral stimulation for him. Again, these are my beliefs, I'm not saying it's going to be true for him as well, although I do think he wouldn't mind doing something for his sub that he loves as a treat for her (if he sees it in this way)

 

[Doctor Pervert]

We do communicate really well and I feel like if i truly wanted Him to he would do anything for my happiness and pleasure but the submissive in me feels like i shouldnt ask Him to do it if it isnt what turns Him on as well...

Hello there and welcome.

This is a surprisingly common problem, a very kinky woman married to a man who either isn't into kink or isn't into it enough to fulfill her. And it is a very real conundrum.

What he is comfortable doing and what he would do to please you are, as you summarized two very different things. This is taking him out of his comfort zone which means that while it's possible he will do it if you ask it's very unlikely he will continue to do it spontaneously or on a regular basis. This is the conundrum, do you give up the kinks you crave or do you impose them on him?
Now I'm not saying there is no chance, you may find that some things he may actually enjoy if given the freedom to explore them. However in my experience while kink tastes certainly do change that change is generally a gradual thing evolving over months and years.

A method I know others have used to varying success is via kinky porn, this removes the personal relationship and puts the kink itself under scrutiny. Finding some of the ideas you'd like him to try with you in porn, then watching it together to gauge his reaction might save you some awkward situations.

One final tip that may work as a stepping stone is to try setting up fantasy role play situations. For instance you are looking for spanking outside the bedroom so perhaps a "clumsy maid" scene where you do something wrong and he punishes you. If you approach it like this, dressing as a French maid and then letting him take his role it might just give him the nudge he needs to get into this. Don't rush and don't fret if you don't get instant success. It's a bit like training a dog, it takes a consistent and patient approach and if it looks like he is resisting it then you should drop it.

I wish you luck as I know that living with unfulfilled kinks is terribly frustrating. Keep up the communication and try not to be too disheartened if progress is slow.