Making my GF feel more confident

[ntaylorcali]

Not sure if this is the right place to ask this, but hopefully it is. Also, I apologize in advanced for the long read, but I'm a long winded kinda guy.

So, best place to start. My GF and I have been dating for about 15 years. Things are great, they generally are, but I'm missing something from the earlier years of our relationship.

We have always defined ourselves as "open" and I've considered myself poly for most of my life. Up until a few years ago, she practiced on this regularly. I really haven't (A topic for a completely different conversation, but long-and-short is I don't feel comfortable being with other women, and it is the result of prior relationships).

I really miss her being with other guys/girls, though. It is a fetish of mine. It's not really cuckolding so much as hotwifing I guess? I'm not into humiliation, or denial I just get turned on in ways I can't even begin to describe just hearing about her with other people. It's a lot of things that make me enjoy it, and in the interest of not stretching this out, I'm just gonna leave the list alone unless someone feels it is necessary for clarification.

Anyway. It feels like her self confidence has a lot to do with her not wanting to be with others. I've done everything I can think of to be supportive, and let her know constantly how amazing she is. Nothing really seems to help, though.

So recently (Less than a year), I've decided to stop bringing it up entirely. The problem is, though, that it is still something that I really desire. I don't want to say that I need it. We've been doing great without sleeping around, but it has been a part of my sex life for so long that I feel like something is missing. Part of it is wanting the feeling that I get when she is with others. Another part of it is worrying that she doesn't feel like the incredible woman that she is.

So...I guess what I'm looking for is some advice on how to help boost her self confidence. She's a beautiful goth/punk rock woman. She is an absolute beast in bed. I just don't know how to make her feel that way about herself.

Sorry for the long post. Would you believe I actually deleted half of it before posting? lol

Thanks for all the help.

[Edit] I forgot to add. I realize this might not be the best venue for a long discussion about these problems, or it might be. If it isn't, though, and anyone knows of an appropriate forum/chat for help with this kind of thing, I would greatly appreciate the info. Thanks again.

 

[subzzzero]

So my honest opinion is you really can’t. It’s kinda all on her. You can make all the actions comments etc that are positive but she’s going to believe what she believes.

It may be deep seeded on past experiences, things others have said, or even just simple misinterpretations.

You could perhaps just discuss it openly saying you see she’s acting different and you care about her etc and want to help. Or that you want her to know how awesome you think she is.

Overall she’s the one who has to resolve within herself.

There could be an entirely dif reason she stopped doing things and maybe as a result it’s causing the lack of self confidence. Like maybe she’s wanted more focus on you or maybe she’s no longer comfortable with involving others in the sex life.

My best suggestion is to just have a talk. Let her know you think she’s great and see what comes of it. Don’t make it about you getting her back active to feed your own wants at this time. Just focus on her and what she wants needs.

 

[Djeskos]

Might be a strange question but is she on birthcontrol?


My girlfriend of 8+ years and I have experienced the same. Things weren't as they used to be. Her sexdrive was gone but she was interested in more kinky stuff. Just 99% of the time she didn't feel like exploring it and it was beginning to annoy the both of us.

She dicided she wanted to get rid of birth control for a while and see if that was the main cause of it. This has been about a month ago and were definately improving. From sex once a month to 4 times a week of more and exploring our shared interests in kinks again.

A lot of this kink starts with the need for sexual arrousal. I am no expert of any sorts but trying cannot hurt since it's quite harmless (if you do it safe ofcourse)