Need Advice on Pegging Beginner

DarlingNikki143

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Apr 14, 2021
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Hey everyone, I’m brand new here. I have resorted to posting since I can’t find a Google answer. So my boyfriend came to me and wants me to peg him. Apparently he has been using MY toys in private. (Wasn’t very happy about that, I’m kinda ocd with my things) but he got a strap on and showed up home the other day with it and was like put it on bla bla and I’m just NOT READY FOR THIS. I’m scared, I’m nervous af, I’m confused. We’ve never ever done ass play. I’ve told him I’m not ready and when he was pushing the issue I giggled a little when he made me put the strap on on at how ridiculous I felt with a dick, a little out of nervousness and complete confusion. Well that caused a 5 day argument. I’ve told him I’m not ready and don’t know if I ever will be ready to do that to him. But I feel like I HAVE TO cause he is getting pissed at this point. What the fuck do I do?
 

BamaSwitch

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Hmmm... I think he is the one being unreasonable. He shouldn't be pushing you to do something you aren't comfortable with. It sounds like you have played the adult in the situation and tried to explain this to him but he is refusing to accept this.

First, I'd have to recommend to not do anything until you are ready. If ever. If he can't understand and appreciate this, he is being a bit immature.

Secondly, I'd sit him down for a talk. Walk him through the paces and ask how he would feel if rolls were reversed. What if you were into castration and he wasn't fond of the idea? I bit extreme but maybe he'll get the hint.

Thirdly, if it is on the table as a possibility in the future, near or far, tell him this but suggest you move at a slower pace. Maybe trying lighter anal / prostate play prior to moving onto pegging so you both used to the new dynamic.

I hope that helps a little.
 

subzzzero

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So my advice is conversation and discussion. In a calm clothed sober adult manner. If he wants to really try with this he will be willing to listen. Explain your discomfort and the reasoning behind it. and learn his side as well. Not just hey I bought this use it on me. But find the “why”. Once you both know the why and the specifics you can start discussion on If this is even a possibility. Maybe he has lots of anal knowledge or sites and references as it seems he’s clearly been experimenting. Maybe you can learn. But only if you want to. Don’t force a situation you’re not comfortable with.
I will say it takes a lot for him to come to you as ask you (whether he used the best approach or not.) so he Def trusts you enough to let you in and wants you to be a part of it. Your lack of experience with the how deep how fast etc on anal is not ideal for jumping right into pegging. A fake dick cannot feel and sense the same response and resistance as a real one when pushing inside someone. So explore with fingers as suggested. Get the feel on a non sexual strictly exploration night. Have him show you how deep what way etc he knows his own body. The risk to too deep too fast or too wide too fast is tearing of soft tissue and scarring. Most severe being you rupture something and need medical assistance.
the physical parts can all be learned. The mental emotional and desire to do it cannot. So you will have to have a discussion within yourself as well to decide if this is something you can even attempt to make a go at. If not then best you can do is be honest and tell him it’s a no go. Suggest he toys himself during sexual play. Or even get a fuck machine to do it for you. So he can get pegged while he goes down on you. There’s all sorts of options here. But it’s all about the two people Involved.
The last point is that you are never obligated to do anything you’re not comfortable with. If he cannot accept that then maybe there are bigger problems to address. He’s not respecting your choices or decisions.
 

DarlingNikki143

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Thank you both so much. Things have been subdue in the house. We are going to have another discussion about this over the weekend. I absolutely love and adore y’all for the feedback and letting me know I have a choice and say as well. I tend to forget self care and boundaries. I still don’t see myself doing any of those things to him not even fingers or anything. Maybe one day, I feel like a hypocrite because I let him do literally everything to me and I enjoy it. I just never imagined the ball being in my court to reciprocate. I will continue to update my journey with this to hopefully help others in my same predicament. Light and Love until next time. 💋
 
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andrei

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Men (or some men) just love to submit to their spouse but it's hard for them to explain it. I am feeling him myself.
I see you enjoy him loving you but he wants something and has a hard time explaining his new thing that "you can literally do anything to me and I would love it" thing. Just think of a fantasy where you can be his boss and try it. Anything little within your limits and you will find him changed, not necessary pushing yourself to his desires. Maybe just tie him up, still vanilla for you, just do something to let him know you are in control during sex. Spank him a bit and see how he reacts. I think these work quickly for a start. Just try to be in control during sex. Simply drag his hair, etc. These gestures are felt (think about yourself, how you feel when being loved).


Don't bother with discussions :) do you think talking works? How long have you been together? Acting silently works better in sex.
 
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Merlin

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[...]
Don't bother with discussions :) do you think talking works? How long have you been together? Acting silently works better in sex.
i find it a very bad idea to react to "i feel not comfortable doing it" with basically "just do it anyway". This is highly problematic and a very bad advice!
Even more so to "don't bother to discuss"...
The most essential thing in any relationship is to communicate! To not do that is a direct way to a disaster

To OP, as others said, i would advice to talk about it and only do things if you feel comfortable with them. You have always the right to say no, and unless you agreed to do it he should accept that ...
 
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andrei

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i find it a very bad idea to react to "i feel not comfortable doing it" with basically "just do it anyway". This is highly problematic and a very bad advice!
Even more so to "don't bother to discuss"...
The most essential thing in any relationship is to communicate! To not do that is a direct way to a disaster

To OP, as others said, i would advice to talk about it and only do things if you feel comfortable with them. You have always the right to say no, and unless you agreed to do it he should accept that ...
I didn't want to sound as bad as that. I mean mutual consent, sometimes go with the mutual feeling than start a long chat about. (For example it took me years to think about a cock cage and suddenly found a moment to show her instantly and talk about what it was for example. And we had fun and interest together. I just found a good moment, second actually, first time I said I would give her that birthday present and she didn't believe me. Then waited for E-Bay to come).


In time, couples get to know each other better and loose their shyness to each other and find a way to explain new desires and explore more.
And discover things that they were not comfortable with before, but can go along later. Not by talking from the beginning, but in time at the right moment.
I remember some small limits were set from the beginning in my relationship. But later no one cared about them.
 
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