I’m a new dom that hasn’t really exactly mastered the art of controlling and feeling comfortable in being in power. I need help or examples of how I should verbally abuse or humiliate my new sub. We’ve been talking for a few days but I fear he will grow tired of me and quickly realize that I’m not as confident. I asked him what his limits are and he said he had non. He is willing to please me in all ways but I still feel like I need examples/ idea on how to control his days so I feel like I own him
New Dom!
- Thread starter Domjoe
- Start date
If you’re this uncomfortable and he’s clearly clueless as well saying he’s got zero limits. You might want to reassess the whole thing all together.
Humiliation and I will assume you don’t mean actual abuse…… Anyways that all is a slippery slope for a new pairing if you’re not familiar with how to do it and not have long lasting negative impacts to the sub mentally emotionally. Def worth doing some looking into the basics on hum deg.
Humiliation and I will assume you don’t mean actual abuse…… Anyways that all is a slippery slope for a new pairing if you’re not familiar with how to do it and not have long lasting negative impacts to the sub mentally emotionally. Def worth doing some looking into the basics on hum deg.
Wil add my 2 cents to what subzerro said.
I have to agree , when you both are clueless it is really not a good idea to jump into things like verbal abuse. This is a field with many possible ways to stumble upon traumata that can come up out of the blue or going to far and causing mental harm. I would highly advice to stay far away from that until you both have a lot more experience.
Humiliation, it is maybe the better place to start, but even with that you need to talk first. Talk a lot, And then start with very small things and then go very slow. Only introduce small things and then check in if all is still fine for a week/month, till you both feel comfortable with it. Again, a lot talking. Communicating is the most important part in D/s!!
Is it possible he will get "bored", yes. If that is the case leave.
You are new, I assume you told him that you are new (if not ... do it!). If he cant handle the fact that you will need time to get used to things he is not the right sub for you. Even more so if he expects you to fulfill a fantasy. Just saying that because I know there are subs out there that are less interested in submitting , but are looking for a person that can fulfill their fantasies, and are super pushy about that. That can be true from both sides and for both Dom or sub, if you partner gets pushy I would advice to leave. Both sides in a relationship should give the other side as much time as they need to get comfortable.
We all were once beginners and there is nothing wrong with starting out.
I might be wrong, but if I read between the lines you are trying to build a facade of the "mean abusive Domme". If that is the case my advice is to drop that ... It is something that you can fall in all to easy as beginner, trying to imitate what the media shows as "Domina", and hey maybe that is your style in the long run, but that is not something you should fake. Learn to be you, wherever that falls, look for a partner that wants you, not some Domina fantasy. And yes, this means that you can be new and feel uncomfortable and be honest about that.
Read about things, ask questions, here, in another places, I would also to answer some things if you want in pm (just in case you feel uncomfortable to discuss something open)
Finding who I am as a Dom and what works for me took me years, Give yourself time.
I have to agree , when you both are clueless it is really not a good idea to jump into things like verbal abuse. This is a field with many possible ways to stumble upon traumata that can come up out of the blue or going to far and causing mental harm. I would highly advice to stay far away from that until you both have a lot more experience.
Humiliation, it is maybe the better place to start, but even with that you need to talk first. Talk a lot, And then start with very small things and then go very slow. Only introduce small things and then check in if all is still fine for a week/month, till you both feel comfortable with it. Again, a lot talking. Communicating is the most important part in D/s!!
Is it possible he will get "bored", yes. If that is the case leave.
You are new, I assume you told him that you are new (if not ... do it!). If he cant handle the fact that you will need time to get used to things he is not the right sub for you. Even more so if he expects you to fulfill a fantasy. Just saying that because I know there are subs out there that are less interested in submitting , but are looking for a person that can fulfill their fantasies, and are super pushy about that. That can be true from both sides and for both Dom or sub, if you partner gets pushy I would advice to leave. Both sides in a relationship should give the other side as much time as they need to get comfortable.
We all were once beginners and there is nothing wrong with starting out.
I might be wrong, but if I read between the lines you are trying to build a facade of the "mean abusive Domme". If that is the case my advice is to drop that ... It is something that you can fall in all to easy as beginner, trying to imitate what the media shows as "Domina", and hey maybe that is your style in the long run, but that is not something you should fake. Learn to be you, wherever that falls, look for a partner that wants you, not some Domina fantasy. And yes, this means that you can be new and feel uncomfortable and be honest about that.
Read about things, ask questions, here, in another places, I would also to answer some things if you want in pm (just in case you feel uncomfortable to discuss something open)
Finding who I am as a Dom and what works for me took me years, Give yourself time.
Just to add here that online play has its own challenges and limitations. Most of the BDSM material you find out there (or maybe I haven't looked enough?) is for when you're doing it in person. Anyways I probably do agree with Merlin that it takes time to figure out what you're most comfortable with.
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