Pressure

[tempered_sugar]

Do you feel pressured as a submissive or Dominant that you have to act a certain way or do certain things?

The internet has meant the BDSM is easily accessable and that more and more people are getting into it, or maybe just more open about it. Because of this there are plenty of ways to see what others get up to within the "lifestyle". Does this make you feel like you have to try and do what others do? Be a slave or a Master or enjoy certain things that seem to be common within BDSM?

This isn't exclusive to online pressure. Used it more as an example and because of my experiances

 

[SubMissChievous]

From the internet & BDSM community on the web in general I would say that I don?t feel all that much pressure, at least less than I did when I started to get active on forums & such. I would lie if I said that I?m totally indifferent to what I read & witness though. Since I started browsing, posting & interacting with people on the net I saw that there?s a number of people within the community who seem to have their own little fixed ideas on how things should be in a D/s relationship & just can?t resist the temptation to pass judgments on whoever don?t fit their own preconceived criterias of the ?perfect little BDSM-er?. They come up with their nice little catchphrases & healthy discussions are impossible with them. Those people don?t pressure me, they simply irritate me. Within the BDSM community online there is also sometimes a nasty ?competitve? atmosphere that I resent a bit I must admit. That?s why I tend not to care about it when it comes to trying to define some terms like the difference between sub vs. slave for ex. I don?t like categorizing when it comes down to things that I feel are so personal & deep to each individuals. But some BDSM-ers for some reasons that I really don?t get seem to need to try to fit into a mold so to speak. I don?t want to fit into a mold. I know what I am & what I aspire to?

Now to answer to the simple question if I do feel any kind of pressure then I would have to say yes? sometimes... This pressure is created by myself alone & my desire to always be ?perfect? & my fear of failure. It is not constant, of course, but it is there. And I have the impression that a lot of other subs do feel like this too. Like I said, I do have aspirations & I can set the bar quite high for myself to the point where I can feel an enormous amount of pressure when I feel I won?t be able to meet my own expectations. In these moments I can get quite harsh on myself & when this happens it takes me a bit to get ?back to normal?. That, and of course, a lot of patience & understanding from my Master.

So yeah I do think that everyone involved in D/s do or can feel some pressure at some point in a relationship be it coming from an external source like the web or self-inflicted pressure.

 

[stephpoet]

I could care less how the Internet world views me. I do feel in the "Munch" world there is some discrimination against switches. Though I initially identified as a sub, some people felt I was too socially dominant to be a true sub.

 

[boundperil]

That was well said Chloe. What I have seen in the past 10 years, is the merging of different kinks into more "streamlined" one size fits all. This is not the case, it is more marketing by online websites that want to cover all your fantasies with the same repeated stuff. Take damsel in distress, how many websites claim to have that as one of their featured items? Someone bound up is not a DID, it is a bondage. You need to have more then that, but they sell it, we buy it, hoping to get a bite of what we want.

So more and more people realize they like certain things, but are feed by others that this is the way it has to be, or you are not doing it right. That is not the case, there are all kinds of desires out there, find what you like, stick to it. Different strokes for different folks, I never judge anyone on their kinks, or the levels they wish to attain.

Sorry, this turned into a rant for me.

From the internet & BDSM community on the web in general I would say that I don?t feel all that much pressure, at least less than I did when I started to get active on forums & such. I would lie if I said that I?m totally indifferent to what I read & witness though. Since I started browsing, posting & interacting with people on the net I saw that there?s a number of people within the community who seem to have their own little fixed ideas on how things should be in a D/s relationship & just can?t resist the temptation to pass judgments on whoever don?t fit their own preconceived criterias of the ?perfect little BDSM-er?. They come up with their nice little catchphrases & healthy discussions are impossible with them. Those people don?t pressure me, they simply irritate me. Within the BDSM community online there is also sometimes a nasty ?competitve? atmosphere that I resent a bit I must admit. That?s why I tend not to care about it when it comes to trying to define some terms like the difference between sub vs. slave for ex. I don?t like categorizing when it comes down to things that I feel are so personal & deep to each individuals. But some BDSM-ers for some reasons that I really don?t get seem to need to try to fit into a mold so to speak. I don?t want to fit into a mold. I know what I am & what I aspire to?

Now to answer to the simple question if I do feel any kind of pressure then I would have to say yes? sometimes... This pressure is created by myself alone & my desire to always be ?perfect? & my fear of failure. It is not constant, of course, but it is there. And I have the impression that a lot of other subs do feel like this too. Like I said, I do have aspirations & I can set the bar quite high for myself to the point where I can feel an enormous amount of pressure when I feel I won?t be able to meet my own expectations. In these moments I can get quite harsh on myself & when this happens it takes me a bit to get ?back to normal?. That, and of course, a lot of patience & understanding from my Master.

So yeah I do think that everyone involved in D/s do or can feel some pressure at some point in a relationship be it coming from an external source like the web or self-inflicted pressure.

 

[OrangeMonkey]

I think, on some level, it's natural for any label to be accompanied by some pressure.

If you are a lawyer, there is pressure to practice law. If you are a nun, there is pressure not to have sex. If you are a submissive there is pressure to be submissive.

On this very basic level, I don't think pressure is something you can complain about, especially if you chose the label yourself.

That being said, it's all about issues of scale and flavor, not just "submissive or not".

 

[tempered_sugar]

I think, on some level, it's natural for any label to be accompanied by some pressure.

If you are a lawyer, there is pressure to practice law. If you are a nun, there is pressure not to have sex. If you are a submissive there is pressure to be submissive.

On this very basic level, I don't think pressure is something you can complain about, especially if you chose the label yourself.

That being said, it's all about issues of scale and flavor, not just "submissive or not".

Well...to be a lawyer you have to know the law otherwise you'd not be able to do your job and if you are a nun you can't have sex because that is part of their religious devotion.

I was talking about pressure from other people at act a certain way or comply with certain things that is considered a "must" for submissives. For example some believe the to be a submissive you have to be naturally submissive in all areas of your life or submissives should always call their Dom Master/Mistress.

The pressure I meant was the same kinda pressure you get at school to have a certain pair or shoes or have a certain kinda bag because others see those as "acceptable".

 

[SubMissChievous]

I think, on some level, it's natural for any label to be accompanied by some pressure.

If you are a lawyer, there is pressure to practice law. If you are a nun, there is pressure not to have sex. If you are a submissive there is pressure to be submissive.

On this very basic level, I don't think pressure is something you can complain about, especially if you chose the label yourself.

That being said, it's all about issues of scale and flavor, not just "submissive or not".

Hmm... I don't think I've ever felt a pressure to be submissive. And, no, I never chose the "submissive label" myself. Saying that I feel pressure to be submissive would mean the same as if I said I feel pressure to be heterosexual... Pressure can exist in all types of sexual orientations but it doesn't stem from it directly.

 

[OrangeMonkey]

I guess all I'm saying is that, by definition, a submissive has to be, in some way, submissive. And, by definition, a dominant has to be, in some way, dominant.

I realize I am thinking on a much smaller scale than the rest of the thread.

 

[always.]

I don't feel pressure to act a certain way; but I think this has to do with me being a switch, so theres not this stereotypical set out image of how Im supposed to be, I can go either way.

But like there are different levels of bdsm, some people do it just for fun, some people make it a part of their lifestyle; there are different levels of knowledge, understanding, experience & judgement from people who are going to judge you; it may be a more experienced bdsm-er judging someone who is still testing out the water, telling them they're doing it wrong. It may be a less experienced bdsm-er who is misinformed & judging someone because they dont understand yet exactly why some people take it as far as they do. It could be someone who had a particularly bad experience with one thing & can't help but judge people when the subject is brought up. The bottom line being, BDSM is such a broad & never ending spectrum of kink, that it is really pointless to judge people or let people judging you affect how you think about yourself & what you're doing. The main point of it all is that each & every person who involves themselves in bdsm, gets something out of it & enjoys it, you can't accomplish your own sexual wants & needs "wrong" & if you and your s/o, slave, master, sub, dom, or W.E. enjoys it too, you aren't doing it wrong & you certainly cant pinpoint why you like it, this is a whole new ball park, you cant understand the psyche of a sub/dom each person has their completely unique own reasons for liking what they like, sometimes they themselve arent even aware or understand the reasons they like it so much, so how could you? further more, how could you judge them by it? See.. none of it makes sense, I dont & no one else should have to feel pressure to be anything but themselves.

 

[Insanity]

When i first came onto the scene i was under the illusion i had to be like everyone else, there were things dominants expected of submissives and i had to do these and be able to make a partner pleased.

How times change, Not long after i met my partner (he mentored me at first) i soon learned that honesty and being true to myself were more important and that being false would get me no where fast.
My partner is my Dom and yes i do as he says but at the same time he works closely with me to ensure that what we do i can cope with physically and mentally, he has helped break down silly fears that i had and rationalise them and no these were not all bdsm based.

I no longer feel pressure to be like everyone else, being true to who i am and true to my partner is the most important thing for me now, i am an individual not a label after all.

 

[tempered_sugar]

When i first came onto the scene i was under the illusion i had to be like everyone else, there were things dominants expected of submissives and i had to do these and be able to make a partner pleased.

How times change, Not long after i met my partner (he mentored me at first) i soon learned that honesty and being true to myself were more important and that being false would get me no where fast.
My partner is my Dom and yes i do as he says but at the same time he works closely with me to ensure that what we do i can cope with physically and mentally, he has helped break down silly fears that i had and rationalise them and no these were not all bdsm based.

I no longer feel pressure to be like everyone else, being true to who i am and true to my partner is the most important thing for me now, i am an individual not a label after all.

Someone who gets exactly what I meant

I am pleased to say I now longer feel pressured and am glad you don't either now. I now take the opiniopn I like what I like so stuff everyone else!

 

[slaveslut]

what i like about sites like is i can talk and discuss mine and others fetishes and not feel weird or pressured

 

[Merlin]

what i like about sites like is i can talk and discuss mine and others fetishes and not feel weird or pressured

Isn't that the point of the site

 

[slaveslut]

yeah thats what i mean