Recently I have been having some problems with myself. Was told I am on the border or having bipolar disorder around 4-5 months ago and decided to kind of go it alone and try and get myself back on track etc.
Mr P has been a massive help and I honestly can't thank him enough for his help. However recently I have started to worry that my mood swings, blue days and habit to pick holes in both me and him are likely to drive us apart unless I do something and kind of admit that I have a problem in some way. It doesn't take anything in particular to set me off but I easily become down or pissy, especially with Mr P.
For example. Tonight I was talking to him on the phone and we haven't had overly much time to do so where he is away with work and it was nice to have a rambling talk and not have to try and cram everything into 10 minutes. Some of the girls in his flat were heading off to a fair so he said he was gana go along. For some reason I kind of got a bit upset by this. I wanted to talk to him more, even though I was getting tired and my conversation was dwindling. I just get overly cranky. Instead of just being ok with it and thinking I can talk to him later on, I seem to take it personally
I know I can't be with him 24/7 and everything and that wouldn't be healthy anyway but I think I have got used to just assuming he will talk to me and stuff. I think I have become too dependent on him and in some ways that scare me. I reply on him to pick me up when I am down, I use him as a bit of a punch bag when I need to take out aggression or a bad mood and just around rely too heavily that he will be there for me. I'm feeling like I've become like a burden to him, as though I am a drag on his moods and emotions.
It's not like we don't have a laugh and stuff but more often than not I'm in a "mood". I don't even know if this is related to the bipolar or not I just know that I am running a huge risk carrying on like this. He told me today that because I was in a mood this morning he thought twice about ringing me tonight in case I was still being pissy because he didn't want to deal with it.
I think I have started to take advantage and just assume he will be there and accept anything I throw at him. I'm worried I am going to ruin everything I have with him and end up just with nothing. To be honest if I carry on like I am now then I will, in a way deserve that.
I'm seeing him in 3 days time, I'm heading to Scotland for a couple of days. I haven't seen him in 4 weeks and miss him so much and can't wait to see him. At the same time I am worried I am going to have a mood with him at some point because something doesn't go my way. I really have found myself just becoming a brat! What the fuck has gotten into me.
The long and the short of it is I am worried I have gotten too attached and used to him being there for me. I don't want to ruin everything and just lose him but at the same time I am scared of letting my feelings for him being properly open as though I am kind of asking to get hurt by doing that. I love him to bits and right now it scares me. I have never told a guy I love him before and it feels like I now can't live up to what a gf should be like or something. I have really no idea how to express my feelings, they are so muddled and I can't work it out in my head.
I am scared to love someone because I don't want to get hurt and I think in a way I have tried to push him away slightly by being in moods with him and things to stop him getting too close.
Mr P has been a massive help and I honestly can't thank him enough for his help. However recently I have started to worry that my mood swings, blue days and habit to pick holes in both me and him are likely to drive us apart unless I do something and kind of admit that I have a problem in some way. It doesn't take anything in particular to set me off but I easily become down or pissy, especially with Mr P.
For example. Tonight I was talking to him on the phone and we haven't had overly much time to do so where he is away with work and it was nice to have a rambling talk and not have to try and cram everything into 10 minutes. Some of the girls in his flat were heading off to a fair so he said he was gana go along. For some reason I kind of got a bit upset by this. I wanted to talk to him more, even though I was getting tired and my conversation was dwindling. I just get overly cranky. Instead of just being ok with it and thinking I can talk to him later on, I seem to take it personally
I know I can't be with him 24/7 and everything and that wouldn't be healthy anyway but I think I have got used to just assuming he will talk to me and stuff. I think I have become too dependent on him and in some ways that scare me. I reply on him to pick me up when I am down, I use him as a bit of a punch bag when I need to take out aggression or a bad mood and just around rely too heavily that he will be there for me. I'm feeling like I've become like a burden to him, as though I am a drag on his moods and emotions.
It's not like we don't have a laugh and stuff but more often than not I'm in a "mood". I don't even know if this is related to the bipolar or not I just know that I am running a huge risk carrying on like this. He told me today that because I was in a mood this morning he thought twice about ringing me tonight in case I was still being pissy because he didn't want to deal with it.
I think I have started to take advantage and just assume he will be there and accept anything I throw at him. I'm worried I am going to ruin everything I have with him and end up just with nothing. To be honest if I carry on like I am now then I will, in a way deserve that.
I'm seeing him in 3 days time, I'm heading to Scotland for a couple of days. I haven't seen him in 4 weeks and miss him so much and can't wait to see him. At the same time I am worried I am going to have a mood with him at some point because something doesn't go my way. I really have found myself just becoming a brat! What the fuck has gotten into me.
The long and the short of it is I am worried I have gotten too attached and used to him being there for me. I don't want to ruin everything and just lose him but at the same time I am scared of letting my feelings for him being properly open as though I am kind of asking to get hurt by doing that. I love him to bits and right now it scares me. I have never told a guy I love him before and it feels like I now can't live up to what a gf should be like or something. I have really no idea how to express my feelings, they are so muddled and I can't work it out in my head.
I am scared to love someone because I don't want to get hurt and I think in a way I have tried to push him away slightly by being in moods with him and things to stop him getting too close.
