Seeking Advice about Owner

MissyKitty

Not so kinky
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 17, 2017
3
0
0
#1
Hi. I'm new here and the primary purpose for me joining is because I feel so lost in my current situation with my owner.

For a little background, he is very controlling and possessive and gets angry easily if I express that I am not comfortable with a scene, toy, etc. Due to this, I have become afraid of continuously disappointing him and keep my uncomfortability to myself.

The current situation is that he pushed me into being sexually involved with another man even though I have previously expressed, and he agreed during the contract terms, that I don't want to be shared. Not only did he push me into giving oral to this other man via expressing his anger and disappointment about my "negative" views, he coerced me into it by saying he would break his promise and wouldn't spend time with me on my bday if I didn't do it.

So I did it. I serviced another man and let it be recorded as my owner had instructed. When I gave the video to my owner, he... he became angry and has gone against his word and is distancing himself from me. He told me that me performing oral on the other man hurt him deeply.

What should I do? I was only trying to please him and do as he instructed. :confused: :(
 

droptokon

Omnipotent Grand Vizier
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Staff member
May 19, 2013
998
56
28
Perth WA
#2
This sounds all wrong, are we talking about a "real life" or online relationship with this master?
To give contradictory instructions is a very bad sign, as is going against contractually agreed limits. Using your birthday time as blackmail is the final straw in my eyes, that smacks of a kind of lack of discipline and control on his part and is very poor form indeed.
 

Femor

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Jun 14, 2016
65
0
0
#3
As a guy with some experience being submissive, I would honestly suggest finding a new owner if he doesn't value your trust and well-being like he said. Doms and subs in this kinda scenario as well as Pet and Owner (which I assume this is) should have some level of honesty and understanding of one another before pushing someone to do something they refused to do.

If you would like, I can chat with you more about it if you really want to stay with him.
 

sonicking

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jun 6, 2016
18
0
1
#4
A dom sub relationship should be fun for both. It entails a lot of trust for both parties, and limits should be followed. Being forced to do something that goes against your morals is crossing the line. I agree with droptokon using your birthday as blackmail is definitely crossing the line. As a dominate person I have not and never will push someone into going over their limits, trust will be lost and and the relationship then breaks down whether it is on line or a personal relationship.
 
Last edited:

selina_kyle

Banned
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Dominant
Feb 5, 2015
72
0
0
#5
A contract is a commitment between both parties involved. You expressed in it what your limits were, dominants will try and push certain limits but if the submissive expresses the discomfort with a situation it HAS to be taken into account. Why would I make you do something, and even emotionally black mail you into doing something you truly do not want to do? Even if a dom thinks certain order has a purpose, we share it and if the sub still doesn't feel comfortable, we drop it.

I don't think this will do you any good. I am sorry you have to go through this, love. But you deserve someone who knows how to treat you and have your limits into account ALL the time.
 

MissyKitty

Not so kinky
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 17, 2017
3
0
0
#6
Update

@droptokon Due to his job consisting of travel, we are both IRL and Online.
@Femor, yes we are a Pet and Owner pairing.

The situation for me is becoming emotionally worse, as he is no longer communicating with me. He has become cold and distant even though he agreed that we would speak about the matter in detail. When I approached the topic, he shut it down very quickly and told me that he didn't want to think about it.

We have been together for a few months and I fell in love with him quickly, so it has wounded me even more that he said if I truly loved him, I wouldn't have given oral to the other man.
 

droptokon

Omnipotent Grand Vizier
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Staff member
May 19, 2013
998
56
28
Perth WA
#7
We have been together for a few months and I fell in love with him quickly, so it has wounded me even more that he said if I truly loved him, I wouldn't have given oral to the other man.
This to me sounds like either he is grossly inconsistent or it was a test whereby he wanted you to disobey him. Regardless it is impossible for you to trust him now and without trust there is nothing. Sorry if that sounds a bit brutal but honestly thats how it is.
 

selina_kyle

Banned
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Dominant
Feb 5, 2015
72
0
0
#8
This to me sounds like either he is grossly inconsistent or it was a test whereby he wanted you to disobey him. Regardless it is impossible for you to trust him now and without trust there is nothing. Sorry if that sounds a bit brutal but honestly thats how it is.
So much this!!!! Trust is the base of any kind of relationship.
 

Femor

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Jun 14, 2016
65
0
0
#9
I still stand firm on what I think. As Pet and Owner, it shouldn't be forcing you to do anything you didn't want to do (unless contractually obligated of course), unless things changed and you two wanted to turn into Master and Slave.

If you can't trust he'll keep his word on what he says he'll do, I don't believe you should stay with him. As the fella above me said, without trust, you have nothing.
 

Komodo Jones

Not so kinky
  • Bisexual
  • Male
  • Switch
May 27, 2009
39
2
0
#10
I don't read stuff like this often but I have heard my fair share of bad situation and reading this one breaks my heart. Forcing you into something you truly wanted to do is bad enough as limits should be respected but then getting mad and distancing himself from you just because you did what he said which you were threatened to do, that's kind of game over right there. There is a line between pushing a sub and abusing a sub and well that line has been crossed. It's hard to break something off with someone that you're truly attached to BUT I can say that a relationship like this isn't worth it. I've seen it before and sadly I was not able to change the person's mind. Don't think this is your fault and I think you're smart enough to know that. I don't know you but honestly, I think you deserve so much better than this. I can't force or tell you to leave this relationship but I've expressed my thoughts on it and that's all I can do.
 

nina

Verified Observer
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Private
Apr 13, 2016
25
3
3
#11
I find it ironical when he says if you truly loved him you would not have serviced another man at his orders. Without meaning any offence, if he is a true dominant, he would understand your vulnerabilities as a sub to act how you did and if he truly loves you, he would care for your emotional well being and not have put you in such a position in the first place! You should think objectively here without any emotional bias and the answer will be clear in your mind!
 

MissyKitty

Not so kinky
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 17, 2017
3
0
0
#12
Thank you all for your advice.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I ended things with him as he was becoming less willing to listen to reason. He became quite vile the last time I tried to rationally talk things over with him and said very degrading things which truly showed how disgusting of a man he really is.

All the advice that was given to me gave me the strength to start moving on from this terrible experience. Thank you all so much.
 

MasterZp

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Nov 22, 2011
26
0
0
#14
Well done

Well done for having the courage to end things and get away from that vile person. Trust in your Dom is the most important thing for a sub. Anyone that violates that willingly and repeatedly doesn't deserve you and your devotion.

I hope you find a Dom that values the trust and service you offer and gives you the support as well as Dominance that you need.