This entry will be different to what I usually write but it has become a sort of tradition as I’ve done this with all my other blogs in the past. I wasn’t really sure at first if I wanted to do it at all because I had to think whether it would be useful. But after thinking about it for a bit (and discussing the matter with Merlin, of course) I decided to do it again.
This, in some ways, I could consider as my “contract”. At least it sounds like a sort of “official document”
But in reality, I do this more or less to evaluate where I’m at, any changes, progression, etc. Being an organized freak I like having these things kept all in one place I guess… It’s also the only entry that I re-read and constantly edit either to add, remove, rectify stuff… I normally never re-read myself. Well, almost never… I hate reading my own writings, especially personal ones.
So I guess this is gonna be less interesting to anyone else but Merlin and I but still I think it’s important for me to go on with it. I think it will, however, spark some ideas for future blog entries (I already have one in mind actually…) that will be focused on specific topics.
So this is my usual “Rules & Stuff” entry. What I do here is basically just write down my rules, limits, likes, dislikes and whatnot. The reason why I do this is: a) these things do change… The last time I did such a list was last October and a lot has changed since then… b) I try as much as possible to not just list a bunch of things but insert a comment to explain (aside from the rules, that is).
So… I get started now…
Rules:
· I must write with a marker the letters “ES” on the left upper area of my pussy and renew it as soon as it starts to fade.
· I must draw 2 connected rings on the left area of my right nipple and renew it as soon as it starts to fade.
· I must wear a lace around my right ankle.
· Whenever I’m being ordered to masturbate I am not allowed to hold back from having an orgasm unless told otherwise.
· I cannot shave my pussy unless I’m ordered to.
· Whenever I go pee I have to do my “squeezing exercise”. Meaning that I have to hold it for a few seconds then let go and do that a couple of times.
· I must drink 3 glass of water per day (Perrier and homemade lemonade counts ^-^)
· I’m allowed only 2 meals considered “junk food” per week.
This does look like a very tiny list compared to what I had before the illness… Some of the old rules were dropped because both Merlin and I found them not really necessary. Such things as always being polite and such I do that anyway so we saw no point to make them as “official” on a list.
The others were dropped when we decided that I should re-start from zero after the illness. Many of my old rules like sleeping with my ankles and wrists bound, morning exercises, my breakfast schedule and such became unpracticable when I was sick and afterwards I had a lot of difficulty keeping up with all of them. Some of them will likely be back (like my clothing rule).
So now I move on to my likes, dislikes, soft limits and hard limits. As usual I will write a brief explanation for each point but will not expand on it as I will have the chance to do that in future blog entries. Also it is not a “full” list but mostly covers the most important stuff.
Likes:
· Bondage: I have decided to keep this one here although I must admit that my interest has decreased a bit over the last year or so. Or more specifically, I’ve been more curious about mental bondage than interested in its physical forms of restraints such as ropes, etc. I think one of the reason is simply because its easier and offers more possibilities to work with while being online.
· Fantasy Control: This may sound odd as I’ve never really heard or read about this before and I never knew how to call this before… Basically, it’s like this: I enjoy being told what to think of or fantasize about during play. Interestingly, I’ve been asked many times in the past what I was thinking about when I masturbate and my answer was always “hmm.. nothing…” Not because I’m embarrassed to talk about those things but the truth is that I always used to try not to think. Otherwise, it made me feel like having too much control and power over myself… So that’s how I discovered this kink.
· Forced Masturbation/Orgasms: I think this is quite self-explanatory… it’s really about giving control as to how/when/where to masturbate and/or have orgasms.
· Ice Play: Always a favorite (especially during hot summers ^-^).
· Rituals: I wasn’t too sure whether I should still put this here because this is yet another thing I’ve had a struggle with all winter… But the more I felt better health-wise the more the interest came back and even though my rules have been cut down to what it is now I find myself still interested with such things as having my clothes chosen for me, food control and exercises, etc.
· Spankings: I have replaced “Pain” by this on my list. I will probably get to explain more about that later on in this blog… But, at the moment, my main favorite aspect of pain is impact play in general. I must explain though that right after my illness I had a period that I was either neutral or even didn’t want to do it anymore… But it seems like ti was just a phase as my interest has been increasing again as of late.
· Verbal humiliation: This, like ice play, has never really changed. I like it as an “extra” to enhance play. Depending on the situations it can be either arousing or somewhat “entertaining”
No major changes here… I have removed 2 things only because they are not simple to do online so it takes away a bit the interest and changed “Pain” for “Spankings” instead.
Dislikes:
· Anal: The main problems I have is that I never really had any good experiences with it and I don’t like the feeling at all.
· Exhibitionism: I think this one comes down to my introvert personality, to be honest. I’ve never enjoyed showing off and always hated the feeling of being watched in general.
· Wax Play: This one is there for 2 reasons: it’s a combination of my fear of fire and burns and my actual dislike for burning/stinging sensations. And it’s also possible the dislike I have that is closest to a limit because oddly enough I think in a real time relationship I would not be able to do it or at least it would be a lot more difficult. It’s one of the rare things I’m glad to have at least a little bit of control over.
So.. hmm… this is not a huge list but that’s all I can come up with now… I have removed only 2 things because I’m not even sure why I put it there before… Surely, I got other stuff I don’t like but I’ve always had a sort of love/hate “relationship” with my dislikes and this is one of the things I wanted to write about in an upcoming entry…
Limits:
· Scat/Watersports: I have a very simple philosophy concerning piss and shit: it belongs in the toilet and needs to be flushed.
· Blood: I have no interest in it at all and way too risky.
· Vomit: Major turn-off.
· Forced homosexuality: I’m hetero. Never been bi-curious ever. So if I were to do anything with another woman it would be out of character for me and I could not be sincere about it.
· Switching: For the exact same reason as forced homosexuality. I just can’t be what I’m not.
· Public: Because a) I find it pointless. I’m into D/s because I want to build a relationship with another person not to perform public stunts. And b) I don’t think strangers who have no clue of what’s going on need to be involved and it can be potentially dangerous anyway.
· Pet Play: Because I find it to be a huge turn-off and somewhat ridiculous to be very honest. I’ll explain why: I am a slave not a dog or a kitty or a goldfish. Being a slave is a conscious choice. A pet does not chooses to be a pet or who their owner is gonna be. You go to the pet shop, you get a pet and that’s it. As a person I can choose to give myself to another person which makes things a lot more meaningful. So for that reason I don’t wish to have my role and my integrity to be reduced to being a pet.
· Begging: I feel just as strongly about this as I do about Pet Play. Maybe even more… The way I see it I consider begging like a cheap way to “top from the bottom” and steal control. Just this idea really turns me off to a point that if that did have to beg for something I would not want what I’ve had to beg for anymore.
Again no major changes… in fact the only change I’ve made was make a simple list of limits instead of seperating “soft limits” and hard limits because the term “soft limits” does not mean much to me. Too many grey areas so I think it’s best that if something falls into that category to discuss these and find out where’s the problem…
And, like I said, there are a few things that I have deliberately left out of the list because I’m still thinking about it and want to write about it some time later… And some other things because I'm either not sure at the moment or simply forgot it and in this case, if anything needs to be added, I'll just edit the entry and add it to my list.
And that’s it for the “official stuff”. I will be able to start writing more personal entries from now on
This, in some ways, I could consider as my “contract”. At least it sounds like a sort of “official document”
But in reality, I do this more or less to evaluate where I’m at, any changes, progression, etc. Being an organized freak I like having these things kept all in one place I guess… It’s also the only entry that I re-read and constantly edit either to add, remove, rectify stuff… I normally never re-read myself. Well, almost never… I hate reading my own writings, especially personal ones.So I guess this is gonna be less interesting to anyone else but Merlin and I but still I think it’s important for me to go on with it. I think it will, however, spark some ideas for future blog entries (I already have one in mind actually…) that will be focused on specific topics.
So this is my usual “Rules & Stuff” entry. What I do here is basically just write down my rules, limits, likes, dislikes and whatnot. The reason why I do this is: a) these things do change… The last time I did such a list was last October and a lot has changed since then… b) I try as much as possible to not just list a bunch of things but insert a comment to explain (aside from the rules, that is).
So… I get started now…
Rules:
· I must write with a marker the letters “ES” on the left upper area of my pussy and renew it as soon as it starts to fade.
· I must draw 2 connected rings on the left area of my right nipple and renew it as soon as it starts to fade.
· I must wear a lace around my right ankle.
· Whenever I’m being ordered to masturbate I am not allowed to hold back from having an orgasm unless told otherwise.
· I cannot shave my pussy unless I’m ordered to.
· Whenever I go pee I have to do my “squeezing exercise”. Meaning that I have to hold it for a few seconds then let go and do that a couple of times.
· I must drink 3 glass of water per day (Perrier and homemade lemonade counts ^-^)
· I’m allowed only 2 meals considered “junk food” per week.
This does look like a very tiny list compared to what I had before the illness… Some of the old rules were dropped because both Merlin and I found them not really necessary. Such things as always being polite and such I do that anyway so we saw no point to make them as “official” on a list.
The others were dropped when we decided that I should re-start from zero after the illness. Many of my old rules like sleeping with my ankles and wrists bound, morning exercises, my breakfast schedule and such became unpracticable when I was sick and afterwards I had a lot of difficulty keeping up with all of them. Some of them will likely be back (like my clothing rule).
So now I move on to my likes, dislikes, soft limits and hard limits. As usual I will write a brief explanation for each point but will not expand on it as I will have the chance to do that in future blog entries. Also it is not a “full” list but mostly covers the most important stuff.
Likes:
· Bondage: I have decided to keep this one here although I must admit that my interest has decreased a bit over the last year or so. Or more specifically, I’ve been more curious about mental bondage than interested in its physical forms of restraints such as ropes, etc. I think one of the reason is simply because its easier and offers more possibilities to work with while being online.
· Fantasy Control: This may sound odd as I’ve never really heard or read about this before and I never knew how to call this before… Basically, it’s like this: I enjoy being told what to think of or fantasize about during play. Interestingly, I’ve been asked many times in the past what I was thinking about when I masturbate and my answer was always “hmm.. nothing…” Not because I’m embarrassed to talk about those things but the truth is that I always used to try not to think. Otherwise, it made me feel like having too much control and power over myself… So that’s how I discovered this kink.
· Forced Masturbation/Orgasms: I think this is quite self-explanatory… it’s really about giving control as to how/when/where to masturbate and/or have orgasms.
· Ice Play: Always a favorite (especially during hot summers ^-^).
· Rituals: I wasn’t too sure whether I should still put this here because this is yet another thing I’ve had a struggle with all winter… But the more I felt better health-wise the more the interest came back and even though my rules have been cut down to what it is now I find myself still interested with such things as having my clothes chosen for me, food control and exercises, etc.
· Spankings: I have replaced “Pain” by this on my list. I will probably get to explain more about that later on in this blog… But, at the moment, my main favorite aspect of pain is impact play in general. I must explain though that right after my illness I had a period that I was either neutral or even didn’t want to do it anymore… But it seems like ti was just a phase as my interest has been increasing again as of late.
· Verbal humiliation: This, like ice play, has never really changed. I like it as an “extra” to enhance play. Depending on the situations it can be either arousing or somewhat “entertaining”
No major changes here… I have removed 2 things only because they are not simple to do online so it takes away a bit the interest and changed “Pain” for “Spankings” instead.
Dislikes:
· Anal: The main problems I have is that I never really had any good experiences with it and I don’t like the feeling at all.
· Exhibitionism: I think this one comes down to my introvert personality, to be honest. I’ve never enjoyed showing off and always hated the feeling of being watched in general.
· Wax Play: This one is there for 2 reasons: it’s a combination of my fear of fire and burns and my actual dislike for burning/stinging sensations. And it’s also possible the dislike I have that is closest to a limit because oddly enough I think in a real time relationship I would not be able to do it or at least it would be a lot more difficult. It’s one of the rare things I’m glad to have at least a little bit of control over.
So.. hmm… this is not a huge list but that’s all I can come up with now… I have removed only 2 things because I’m not even sure why I put it there before… Surely, I got other stuff I don’t like but I’ve always had a sort of love/hate “relationship” with my dislikes and this is one of the things I wanted to write about in an upcoming entry…
Limits:
· Scat/Watersports: I have a very simple philosophy concerning piss and shit: it belongs in the toilet and needs to be flushed.
· Blood: I have no interest in it at all and way too risky.
· Vomit: Major turn-off.
· Forced homosexuality: I’m hetero. Never been bi-curious ever. So if I were to do anything with another woman it would be out of character for me and I could not be sincere about it.
· Switching: For the exact same reason as forced homosexuality. I just can’t be what I’m not.
· Public: Because a) I find it pointless. I’m into D/s because I want to build a relationship with another person not to perform public stunts. And b) I don’t think strangers who have no clue of what’s going on need to be involved and it can be potentially dangerous anyway.
· Pet Play: Because I find it to be a huge turn-off and somewhat ridiculous to be very honest. I’ll explain why: I am a slave not a dog or a kitty or a goldfish. Being a slave is a conscious choice. A pet does not chooses to be a pet or who their owner is gonna be. You go to the pet shop, you get a pet and that’s it. As a person I can choose to give myself to another person which makes things a lot more meaningful. So for that reason I don’t wish to have my role and my integrity to be reduced to being a pet.
· Begging: I feel just as strongly about this as I do about Pet Play. Maybe even more… The way I see it I consider begging like a cheap way to “top from the bottom” and steal control. Just this idea really turns me off to a point that if that did have to beg for something I would not want what I’ve had to beg for anymore.
Again no major changes… in fact the only change I’ve made was make a simple list of limits instead of seperating “soft limits” and hard limits because the term “soft limits” does not mean much to me. Too many grey areas so I think it’s best that if something falls into that category to discuss these and find out where’s the problem…
And, like I said, there are a few things that I have deliberately left out of the list because I’m still thinking about it and want to write about it some time later… And some other things because I'm either not sure at the moment or simply forgot it and in this case, if anything needs to be added, I'll just edit the entry and add it to my list.
And that’s it for the “official stuff”. I will be able to start writing more personal entries from now on
