The problem of disappearing online subs?

[newtotry]

Ok. Stop me if you heard this one. Dominant person puts out an ad for a sub. sub contacts the Dominant and they have a really great session and allude to wanting to have another one or continuing. Then, all of a sudden the Dominant doesn't get any emails and can't do anything to get in touch with the sub.

Aren't disappearing acts fun? NOT.

How common would you say this problem is? What is the reason for this? And how is the best way for the Dominant to handle this? Has this happened to anyone? Please tell.

Can't wait to read your answers!

 

[Yossarian]

Not that I have done this myself, but it's probably because these 'subs' want a session while they're still horny, and in fact aren't interested in the lifestyle. All they wanted was someone to get them off.
These people annoy me; if I was so lucky as to find a decent female domme I wouldn't run away like that.

 

[aus guy]

Not that I have done this myself, but it's probably because these 'subs' want a session while they're still horny, and in fact aren't interested in the lifestyle. All they wanted was someone to get them off.
These people annoy me; if I was so lucky as to find a decent female domme I wouldn't run away like that.

It seems that that is the main issue. People get horny, and do what they can to get a quick fix.

 

[UnBr0k3nH3r0]

first off I will start that anything you start online have a small expectation for the relationship to work. male subs are not hard to come buy just like male doms. It happens, because most of us are finding ourselves Dominant/submissive or we figure the lifestyle isn't for us. Most people that play for a session are future kinksters typically after a failed vanilla relationship of some sort.

Good luck with your search!

 

[lexora]

its worst when a Dom does it takes forever to find them and then they just disappear that happen to me a few times.. So mostly now I want r/t stuff or nothing.

 

[Star Shadows]

As far as I have seen there are three common reasons for this. They may not fit all cases but can often fit a lot of them:

1) Sub/slave was horny, and interested in satisfying their cravings, not the lifestyle itself so did a "cum N run" (basically get what they needed from a person and vanish.

2) You as the dominant party have done something wrong, or something that they don't like / are not impressed with so just leave without the courtesy to explain.

3) They realise that the lifestyle/ method/ partnership isnt what they thought it would be and dont want to offend. So instead just drop off the radar.

As ive said these are just typically what Ive seen, and Im not actually sure how best to avoid it.

 

[florida87x]

I find it odd that we immediately assume the sub is someone who used you and then ditched you.

What are the chances that a sub was reluctant? That something kept them away from their computer for a few days, and when they got back, they found all these messages from a person that they barely knew, trying to get back in touch with them. Now, in addition to being embarrassed, they feel like they probably just ruined whatever dynamic there was in the relationship. They're left with a choice of, come to someone they have only known for sexual gratification and ask forgiveness, or just start fresh with all the new fish in the sea.

I'm sure that there are people who are just looking for a one and done thing to get off, but I find it strange that people go on about how they are some great evil. You can't even tell them from someone who was just too embarrassed to call you back. How bad could they be?

If you really don't want people to just disappear, not to be mean, but found a relationship in friendship rather than something to do with a romance or sex.

 

[suvla]

i had the opposite i had a mistress dominatling me for 2 months online thought it was going well and all of a sudden she dissapeared pretty much broke my heart even though it was online i was infactuated by her.
dunno why smeone would do a runner , as they would loose out on so much kinky fun in the future and a chance to serve a georgous mistress.
some people just anger me with it

 

[mistresslilly43]

magicians

I think everyone has to accept that for those here exploring and enjoying domme or sub play ,most are connected somehow to other partners ,who may not of thier needs wants and desires , this is where an online domme or sub can experience and enjoy a session to suit thier needs , maintaining contact does take some discretion and trust from both sides , but also some understanding from both sides , for those trying to juggle 2 lifestyles

 

[Bliverpool]

It's a shame some subs do this! Gives the loyal ones like us a bad name and harder for us to find a good owner.

 

[firemaster]

Ok. Stop me if you heard this one. Dominant person puts out an ad for a sub. sub contacts the Dominant and they have a really great session and allude to wanting to have another one or continuing. Then, all of a sudden the Dominant doesn't get any emails and can't do anything to get in touch with the sub.

Aren't disappearing acts fun? NOT.

How common would you say this problem is? What is the reason for this? And how is the best way for the Dominant to handle this? Has this happened to anyone? Please tell.

Can't wait to read your answers!

I agree 100%. i have had female and male slaves. i have better luck with males lasting longer. One male i had it was for a couple weeks and then said the heck with this. He said it got to crazy for him. My thoughts are if you are a sub and want tempary play post as such. I will be a one night master, but tell me up front. this is something that BOTH NEED TO BE HONIST WITH OTHER.

 

[trickery]

Ok. Stop me if you heard this one. Dominant person puts out an ad for a sub. sub contacts the Dominant and they have a really great session and allude to wanting to have another one or continuing. Then, all of a sudden the Dominant doesn't get any emails and can't do anything to get in touch with the sub.

Aren't disappearing acts fun? NOT.

How common would you say this problem is? What is the reason for this? And how is the best way for the Dominant to handle this? Has this happened to anyone? Please tell.

Can't wait to read your answers!

I think the main reason for this problem is one that has been mentioned several times. The sub is basically just horny and wanting to try something kinky. However, as soon as he cums, he realizes he doesn't really like the idea or is embarrassed. I've only had two long term mistresses; but oddly enough they both employed the same practice which can easily single out a guy who is going to "cum and run". Instead of cumming being the end, they would continue to give me various orders not related to pleasure until they were satisfied with my performance. Most guys who are only in it for temporary fun will be ready to leave as soon as they cum. For most guys, there is something about cumming that signals "the end". A sub who is truly committed isn't going to leave until the Mistress allows it. Plus, most guys are going to hate to sit in their own cum if you force them to cum on themselves anyway.

 

[Epiphonelover]

I have had this also. I had a "mistress" for one session, they didn't have cam. I did everything asked and when i cum said they would like to do it again and left. Heard nothing since. Something tells me I fell for the old guy posing as a girl stunt There a plenty of subs out there looking for male masters, I don't see why they feel the need to do this. Its frustrating

 

[df6wen]

I always do a post session cool down, especially for the first few sessions. During it I can talk to them and find out what they liked and didn't like. It really helps with the retention rate for me and if they have something come up or we decide it's not working then we have a spot of time to discuss it and break it off if necessary.

 

[spiritualxtc]

I always do a post session cool down, especially for the first few sessions. During it I can talk to them and find out what they liked and didn't like. It really helps with the retention rate for me and if they have something come up or we decide it's not working then we have a spot of time to discuss it and break it off if necessary.

This is a good practice in general. Despite common consensus, submissives are people. Although they might be considered inferior to the dominant they are serving, for purposes of power exchange/play, they are nonetheless individuals. You can't have a proper sub and train them like every other sub you've ever had. Save the cookie cutter routines for cookies.

 

[Agent Green]

In my mind it all comes down to establishing a deeper friendship. It is still possible to be friends and exist on different levels. It establishes a level of trust and comfort that prevents runaways.

 

[PKdrummer]

trust and comfort

2 important words I've seen in this thread. This is true both sides need trust and comfort with-one another. Like its been mentioned, some people realize that s/m relationships aren't what they thought and either 1 move to a different dom or vanish completely. Now its not to say that the doms don't do the same. I've experienced mistress/masters disappearing on their slaves/subs.