What Makes A Sub Want to be A Sub
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Was orginally posted as a reply to Being a Dom (Kink Talk edition) but as it didn't have a lot to do with the thread i made a new one of it...
erm...I don't think I've ever sat down and thought about this.
Anyway In not particular order: I personally like the security I can get from it, the feeling of being wanted and needed, the feeling of it being something special between the Dom and sub, knowing the smile on there face has been put there by me, knowing I can give pleasure to someone which I in turn get my pleasure from, the feeling of someone having the control over me, learning to submit to someone, how much it has helped me to have more confidence in myself and my ability, it makes me feel extra special to my Dom as its something we have explored together, I guess I like the attention I get from it, the slight air of it being socially unacceptable, I'm a masochist and that can come into Dom/sub play a lot if you want it, I find the challenge and self discipline fun, the exploration of different kinks, the pushing my boundaries, but the thing I like the most is the closeness I feel to my Dom I honestly think that you get under each others skin a lot more with Dom/sub and I've found our relationship a lot more open than my previous ones and also my friends relationships.
Maybe some of those reasons don't make me a very good sub because they are to do with my pleasure and are selfish but giving him pleasure and pleasing him are the number one priority. However if I am not getting pleasure or happy I can't give him those and he doesn't get much enjoyment either.
I can't pin why I like to sub down to one thing and there are probably more than I've listed if I sit down and think hard. I think the main ones for me though are giving someone else pleasure, the feeling of control over me and the closeness you can get from Dom/sub including the security and feeling of self worth. This is just me though, everyone is different.
Oh and by the way I don't think its that obvious why Doms like to Dom I personally can't get my head round it sometimes
Anyway In not particular order: I personally like the security I can get from it, the feeling of being wanted and needed, the feeling of it being something special between the Dom and sub, knowing the smile on there face has been put there by me, knowing I can give pleasure to someone which I in turn get my pleasure from, the feeling of someone having the control over me, learning to submit to someone, how much it has helped me to have more confidence in myself and my ability, it makes me feel extra special to my Dom as its something we have explored together, I guess I like the attention I get from it, the slight air of it being socially unacceptable, I'm a masochist and that can come into Dom/sub play a lot if you want it, I find the challenge and self discipline fun, the exploration of different kinks, the pushing my boundaries, but the thing I like the most is the closeness I feel to my Dom I honestly think that you get under each others skin a lot more with Dom/sub and I've found our relationship a lot more open than my previous ones and also my friends relationships.
Maybe some of those reasons don't make me a very good sub because they are to do with my pleasure and are selfish but giving him pleasure and pleasing him are the number one priority. However if I am not getting pleasure or happy I can't give him those and he doesn't get much enjoyment either.
I can't pin why I like to sub down to one thing and there are probably more than I've listed if I sit down and think hard. I think the main ones for me though are giving someone else pleasure, the feeling of control over me and the closeness you can get from Dom/sub including the security and feeling of self worth. This is just me though, everyone is different.
Oh and by the way I don't think its that obvious why Doms like to Dom I personally can't get my head round it sometimes
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I've seen a lot more people want to be subs than doms.
It's different for everybody of course... some like it as a 24/7 lifestyle choice, some are naturally submissive in nature and are happier to live that way, some subs just want people to dominate them sexually, other subs just want to make people happy.
That said, although you could boil it down to 'people are submissive because they like being the object of a doms affections and/or kinks', it's silly to narrow it down. Everyone has their own different reasons for it, and there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way. It's the same for dominant people too: there's no definite reason, everyone has their own personality, lifestyle choices, and interests.
It's different for everybody of course... some like it as a 24/7 lifestyle choice, some are naturally submissive in nature and are happier to live that way, some subs just want people to dominate them sexually, other subs just want to make people happy.
That said, although you could boil it down to 'people are submissive because they like being the object of a doms affections and/or kinks', it's silly to narrow it down. Everyone has their own different reasons for it, and there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way. It's the same for dominant people too: there's no definite reason, everyone has their own personality, lifestyle choices, and interests.
I think it is a general misconception that a slave is doing nothing for him/herself, and that it is not submissive to do things for yourself. The thing is people are selfish, everyone, Master or Slave. People never do anything without getting anything in return! This may now sound hard, but it is really not as hard as you may think. As also feeling good because you have done something good is selfish as you do it to feel good.
Now you could say a slave is doing things he doesn't like and that would be right if you look at it from a very narrow point of view, in the end the Slave does the things he doesn't like to feel better. Also if people say they do it because they want to do things to make the master happy in the end it is because they feel better that way.
What i want to tell you with this is that you should not be worried about doing things you like as everyone will do exactly that. And people who say they don't lie.
MNM i would really be interested, what easy thing is the reason why masters are masters? There are as many reasons why someone is a Master as there are different masters. And in no way there are less reasons as there are for slaves. In addition, most of the time, there is also more than one reason for it.
To the original question: As for Masters it also applies for slaves/subs that there is not one reason but several... from just seeing it as fun over doing something that is against the "norm", wanting to feel save or cared or even being hit and or dominated by their parents or friends (this are by far not all reasons!) And again for most people it is a mixture of several things that make them what they are...
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I think this has hit the target directly. There is no one thing that drives most to be sub or Dom even for that matter. It can date as far back as childhood or be something that became with adulthood it can be about pleasing someone or about being made to please someone. So many answers if only I knew them all
To be Sub or not to be Sub? Why be Sub?
I think it has a lot to do with wanting to be powerless for some. I can see a person that is a manager or CEO of a large company making decisions for people all day everyday but when he or she gets home they want to be controlled and answer to someone.
They feel the need to cater to someone rather than having people bowing at their feet. "What would you have me do now Master?"
I think it has a lot to do with wanting to be powerless for some. I can see a person that is a manager or CEO of a large company making decisions for people all day everyday but when he or she gets home they want to be controlled and answer to someone.
They feel the need to cater to someone rather than having people bowing at their feet. "What would you have me do now Master?"
Oooh I can't believe I haven't replied to this one yet O_O
Well, first thing, in relation to the topic's title... I can't remember one single time of my life where I thought "I want to be submissive" ever. I've been asked quite a few times this question and most times I inevitably think that asking this would be like asking someone who's gay why they are gay... Is there an answer? For me, it's just like this. That's the way I am. I consider this to be my orientation.
If the question was meant to ask "What do you get from it" then I would have to copy/paste many of the reasons tempered_sugar already mentioned in her post so I won't repeat them here Only thing I think I could add though is that for me, I've often viewed D/s relationships as similar to a parent/child relationship. In the sense that it gives me the feeling of having someone protecting, caring & watching over me. I know it's not like that for everyone but some dynamics seem to be similar.
Well, first thing, in relation to the topic's title... I can't remember one single time of my life where I thought "I want to be submissive" ever. I've been asked quite a few times this question and most times I inevitably think that asking this would be like asking someone who's gay why they are gay... Is there an answer? For me, it's just like this. That's the way I am. I consider this to be my orientation.
If the question was meant to ask "What do you get from it" then I would have to copy/paste many of the reasons tempered_sugar already mentioned in her post so I won't repeat them here
Only thing I think I could add though is that for me, I've often viewed D/s relationships as similar to a parent/child relationship. In the sense that it gives me the feeling of having someone protecting, caring & watching over me. I know it's not like that for everyone but some dynamics seem to be similar.
To answer this question for myself, I first question why you would assume that it is obvious why a dom would want to be a dom.
I'm a switch, for me this means that depending on the day, the time, the position of the third star to the right of Jupiter, as well as countless other things going on in my life at that point in time causes me to change whether I feel submissive or dominant.
Because of that, I believe that there is not really a reason why a person wants this or that. Sometimes people just want something.
In terms specifically related to the appeal of being a sub, when I'm in the mood, its nice to have someone else take control. For a brief(or long) period of time someone else is directing the action, and is there to catch me if something goes 'wrong'. The dom has to(in my opinion is supposed to) watch out for the sub. When I have a desire to serve, it means that for that time, I exist to fulfill the needs/wants of the other person, and if I 'mess up' or 'fail' the dom will make sure I dont get harmed.
Its the ability to place my trust in someone else, and once the trust is placed, the rest of the world can go away for a while and take the crap with it.
Ans of course there are the times when its hard to have that trust, and things need to be tweaked from both parties and things do go wrong, but when things are right, its a 'freedom' in its own way.
Disclaimer: These are only my opinions from my experience, Sorry that this was incredibly long winded and if it doesn't make sense.
i simply love the feeling of being wanted and need by such a amazing man and the smile he gives when im good makes me melt
wow!!! such a simple question but most of the post's are so in depth its amazing to sit and read what people think.
I personaly think im a dom out side of the bedroom but when in the bedroom i like someone else to take charge, make the moves, take what they want. Its good to let go of who you realy are even if its only for a little while.
I personaly think im a dom out side of the bedroom but when in the bedroom i like someone else to take charge, make the moves, take what they want. Its good to let go of who you realy are even if its only for a little while.
Personally, I'm submissive in most aspects of my life, not just sexually. I've always had a rebellious streak though, and I think that's what causes me to be able to submit at times and at others just take control of situations myself (which is something I've had a problem doing for years and can only speculate as to why that is).
Sorry for thowing this in, but it's hard to define if it's just in that persons nature, or if they are born with a clean slate and fall into the roles later in life based upon thier own experiences. I think it's interesting to think back about what those experiences are, but it'll be so different for each individual that it's hard to define why they are submissive... that is if we base it on the nurture side of the debate, which is what I lean more towards, although both are important in shaping who we are... Sorry to go off in a bit of a tangent.
Anyway, this is just my opinion, and as always, feel free to disagree ;p
Sorry for thowing this in, but it's hard to define if it's just in that persons nature, or if they are born with a clean slate and fall into the roles later in life based upon thier own experiences. I think it's interesting to think back about what those experiences are, but it'll be so different for each individual that it's hard to define why they are submissive... that is if we base it on the nurture side of the debate, which is what I lean more towards, although both are important in shaping who we are... Sorry to go off in a bit of a tangent.
Anyway, this is just my opinion, and as always, feel free to disagree ;p
I made a new thread out of the off topic discussion ... you can find it here:
Is there a true Master or Slave?
Is there a true Master or Slave?
Because we must
I knew I was a sub early on. I am naturally submissive in real life, and have always chosen powerful, charismatic people to be around.
I am a sub because I get pleasure out of pleasing my Master. Not because I want to please my Master for the sake of pleasing Him, but for the pleasure that it gives me. I get a thrill when I overcome a challenge, and correctly negotiating a strict Master's needs and moods is definatedly a challenge. I like being wanted and cared for, and who better to do that than a Master.
So, I dont want to be a sub for the sake of being a sub,
I Am a slave, whether I like it or not!
-slave named Lila
I knew I was a sub early on. I am naturally submissive in real life, and have always chosen powerful, charismatic people to be around.
I am a sub because I get pleasure out of pleasing my Master. Not because I want to please my Master for the sake of pleasing Him, but for the pleasure that it gives me. I get a thrill when I overcome a challenge, and correctly negotiating a strict Master's needs and moods is definatedly a challenge. I like being wanted and cared for, and who better to do that than a Master.
So, I dont want to be a sub for the sake of being a sub,
I Am a slave, whether I like it or not!
-slave named Lila
Well, I'd say the answer is just as obvious as why a Dom would want to be a Dom. A submissive wants to be a submissive because they want to submit
Sorry, I'm not trying to be confrontational or anything, it just strikes me that both sides of the coin are as rich and complicated as each other.
Take my relationship, for instance; I'm a 24/7 slave. It's part of my psyche. My whole life I can remember being almost pathetic in the way I'd crawl around after friends and family spending all my pocket money on presants to try and win their approval. I've just always been this way. Pretty simple and obvious answer.
Now take my Dominant; he wasn't born a Dominant. He doesn't take a whole lotta joy in inflicting pain. His life has left him with a very deep desire to look after and protect, to nurture and care. The spankings and kinky sex is just that; sex. Whilst an integral part of our relationship, it's not the only thing we do. Day to day, he smiles affectionatly and cuddles me while I run around intent on doing whatever I can to please him and make his day better. Basically, the story and explaination of why he's a Dom is a lot more complex than the answer as to what makes me a submissive. I was born that way, he wasn't.
Anyways, I think the answer's differant for everyone.
Sorry, I'm not trying to be confrontational or anything, it just strikes me that both sides of the coin are as rich and complicated as each other.
Take my relationship, for instance; I'm a 24/7 slave. It's part of my psyche. My whole life I can remember being almost pathetic in the way I'd crawl around after friends and family spending all my pocket money on presants to try and win their approval. I've just always been this way. Pretty simple and obvious answer.
Now take my Dominant; he wasn't born a Dominant. He doesn't take a whole lotta joy in inflicting pain. His life has left him with a very deep desire to look after and protect, to nurture and care. The spankings and kinky sex is just that; sex. Whilst an integral part of our relationship, it's not the only thing we do. Day to day, he smiles affectionatly and cuddles me while I run around intent on doing whatever I can to please him and make his day better. Basically, the story and explaination of why he's a Dom is a lot more complex than the answer as to what makes me a submissive. I was born that way, he wasn't.
Anyways, I think the answer's differant for everyone.
as i see it, it's less complicated to be a sub.
though thinking about it, i wouldn't know what to do if i was to dom someone.. scary..
though thinking about it, i wouldn't know what to do if i was to dom someone.. scary..
hello
I being a DOM, has been a dom all the while.
I feel I am natural DOM. Not some thing i gained in the while.
the feeling of having some one under my control and me protecting her and supervising her and ordering her to be like the way i like makes it more fantastic.
Imagine having a sub/slave walk as u like, talk as u like, eat what u want her to it and wear what u like her to see in etc etc etc... it is just a fabulous relation.
it makes me think the ecxtra bit to find some thing more different and exciting so that she and me are going to have fun..
I would say deinitely, being a dom/master is very very difficult and stressful job but worthwhile when u own (won) the heart of a slave/sub who does any thing for u.
cheers
I being a DOM, has been a dom all the while.
I feel I am natural DOM. Not some thing i gained in the while.
the feeling of having some one under my control and me protecting her and supervising her and ordering her to be like the way i like makes it more fantastic.
Imagine having a sub/slave walk as u like, talk as u like, eat what u want her to it and wear what u like her to see in etc etc etc... it is just a fabulous relation.
it makes me think the ecxtra bit to find some thing more different and exciting so that she and me are going to have fun..
I would say deinitely, being a dom/master is very very difficult and stressful job but worthwhile when u own (won) the heart of a slave/sub who does any thing for u.
cheers
I am a person who is always very loyal to others and I feel that in a sub/dom relationship, it's like your loyalty is rewarded. Not only that but I love the ability to let go and do as someone wishes because I like the feeling of being forced and not having any choice. IRL I have problems making up my mind with the simplest things such as whether to go out for dinner or not so to have someone lay these out for me makes me feel good and in a way eases my mind I love being able to say, "Well I made someone enjoy their day" and I'm sure most doms feel this way too! *I know I do when I dom*
I love being able to say, "Well I made someone enjoy their day" and I'm sure most doms feel this way too! *I know I do when I dom*Featured Threads
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Drop kik users if you want to be in a group chat to punish and humiliate this slut
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