What to do if love partner is vanilla?

[appleicetea]

Ideally we could have a love relationship with a person who shares a matching kink. But if that’s not the case, how to confess your kink to someone you like romantically or a love partner who’s not into kink? And how to satisfy your kinky needs?

 

[KpopHubby]

So I would like to share this thread here.

Thread 'Married and Exploring' https://www.kinktalk.com/talk/threads/married-and-exploring.50574/

Just because @KpopSlut and I both thought that I was ACE, and had zero interest in sex at all. Now I am very interested and she shared with me her kinks. Little did she know what a wide wonderful world she unlocked for me.

 

[subzzzero]

I Second the above post also search up the vanilla partner subject. I know I’ve responded to a few dif ones on here people asking your same question. But my post backlog is massive lol.

Simple answer is discussion and open honesty. Either they say yes or now. After that it’s a choice if no. Do you stay and ignore the kink needs or do you leave, or again discussion with the partner and see if open relationship boundaries can be established if needed.

 

[Some dom]

Discuss this with them, and try n convince them to atleast experiment. Might be they start to like it too

 

[KpopSlut]

Discuss this with them, and try n convince them to atleast experiment. Might be they start to like it too

"Try and convince them" just sounds shady.

Be open and honest about your wants, desires and fantasies. In my personal experience I've found the more I talked about them openly and WHY they appealed to me, the more open @KpopPunkKink became. If this person also loves you, they will listen with an open mind and be willing to try at least a few things to make you happy.

The idea of having to convince someone just doesn't sit right with me though. Above all else, kink should be Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If they aren't comfortable with something, they're allowed to voice that. It's one thing to share your desires and another thing entirely to try and change someone else to be the person you WANT them to be. That's not a healthy dynamic at all.

 

[Some dom]

I

"Try and convince them" just sounds shady.

Be open and honest about your wants, desires and fantasies. In my personal experience I've found the more I talked about them openly and WHY they appealed to me, the more open @KpopPunkKink became. If this person also loves you, they will listen with an open mind and be willing to try at least a few things to make you happy.

The idea of having to convince someone just doesn't sit right with me though. Above all else, kink should be Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If they aren't comfortable with something, they're allowed to voice that. It's one thing to share your desires and another thing entirely to try and change someone else to be the person you WANT them to be. That's not a healthy dynamic at all.

I meant like tell them to try kinky sex once like soft stuff like handcuffs and blindfolds. Slowly see how they react and if they like it or not. By convincing I never meant to say persuade

 

[KpopSlut]

I meant like tell them to try kinky sex once like soft stuff like handcuffs and blindfolds.

While I do agree this can be a good place to start, I still think you should be open and honest with ALL your kinks as much as possible in the beginning. Be like "this, this and this really turn me on because ____." and list EVERYTHING you can think of (who knows, maybe something will appeal to them). Then suggest something small and ask them "Would you be willing to try ____ with me?" and start from there.

By convincing I never meant to say persuade

I still feel like the word convince implies persuasion, but I get what you're saying. I think what you're trying to say is give them time to warm up to the idea. Drop lots of hints and start small.

 

[Some dom]

While I do agree this can be a good place to start, I still think you should be open and honest with ALL your kinks as much as possible in the beginning. Be like "this, this and this really turn me on because ____." and list EVERYTHING you can think of (who knows, maybe something will appeal to them). Then suggest something small and ask them "Would you be willing to try ____ with me?" and start from there.

True Before starting off you must be clear because kink has to have consent

 

[Doctor Pervert]

list EVERYTHING you can think of (who knows, maybe something will appeal to them)

This a great point! By trying to start out with what you think is the least extreme or most appealing kink only you may find that just doesn't gel with them. Giving a whole list of kinky stuff you're much more likely to find some crossover points.

This is something I always recommend to people when writing personal ads, include everything. The reality is there is rarely going to be a 100% match but finding someone who has enough crossover will usually work and you can expand from there.

As @KpopSlut has explained really well in the thread she made the key is honesty.

 

[andrei]

maybe live with it.
I had the same issue during years. I would have loved to turn her into kinks but not and I just love her as she is.
I bought her sex toys, we sometimes tried and she laughed. I confessed a few time but hard to drag her into my kinks. But do confess. See where it goes.

You might not be able to change the person you love but in time you love the person as is. If you are able to change him, is your merit, if not, you will change to vanilla and live together ever after.

 

[StormyDungeons]

VANILLA. This word is offered under the guise of plain, boring, non sensual and yet lets consider what vanilla really is.

As a flavoring it rules. In fact by American Dairy Farmer Association statistics = VANILLA ICE CREAM OUT SELLS ALL OTHERS COMBINED and outsells chocolate like 3-1.

BUT THATS PLAIN AND NOTHING EXOTIC ABOUT IT.

Really?

Try taking a wad of vanilla ice cream and INSERTING IT INTO A SEX HOLE.

Or try making a banana split on a pussy or ass crack.

IN EACH OF THESE = SPOONS AND HOT FUDGE DRIBBLING IS REQUIRED.

Oh my

I have used VANILLA BLENDED YOGURT AS A SEX LUBE FOR 25 YEARS. Its amazing. Its TOTALLY HEALTHY for vagina and colon, & ITS EDIBLE.

So now how boring are we?

How about tying your partner to the bed and dribbling wax FROM A VANILLA SCENTED CANDLE ONTO THEM.

Im just getting started.

You see, in the ice cream world vanilla rules because IT IS NOT LIMITED AND GOES WITH EVERYTHING.

I like using vanilla ice cream as an insertive.

IF YOU EAT YOGURT REGULARLY YOUR COLON & RECTUM REMAIN CLEAN, so then interesting food insertives can be added to the fray along with PEACHES, STRAWBERRIES , CHOCOLATE SYRUP, BANANNAS, etc.

So you can start with any or all of these.

Once SEX PLAY IS ESTABLISHED THE GAMES BEGIN. Forget being hung up on words like KINK or FETISH, sub or dom.

Just discover SEX PLAY and run with that.

You will find its NOT WITHIN 1 SINGLE GENRE BOX OR LIMITED.

It also allows true discovery of ones self as well as ones partner in real world ways and non threatening means.

Above all = SEX SHOULD BE FUN.

As you 2 grow and progress other darker and edgy things may come onto the table.

That make take time. For now, just go with this new entry point and get yourself a WHOLE NEW RESPECT AND APPRECIATION OF VANILLA.

Omg the first time i injected a tub of COLD vanilla yogurt into a gals ass and licked it off as it oozed out.

Pop cicles and single fudge cicles are marvelous insertables too. The 1st time i tried one of those on a gal, she did 1 in me too and we had this insanely crazy sex intercourse while ICE COLD FUDGE CICLES WHERE IN BOTH OUR ASSES.

That freezing feeling was so intense on my prostate i basically was in and out of consciousness.

Then when i came = it was cold sperm in her pussy that was so internally intense on her cervix she began to spasm and contort in wildly uncontrollable ways.

So what is so tame or boring about any of those VANILLA STORIES?

In fact i bet some of you suddenly have urges for ice cream. Just sayin

-kevin