Feel like writing

[fairtitania]

Hi there - been a long time. And basically because I was a happy little bunny with a lovely Dom who made me very happy, but sadly that has ended and now I'm back to wondering what this is all about in my head. The lovely Dom is on KT, so don't want to talk too much about that other than it was great while it lasted, but the limitations of online seem to eventually make the experience plateau, and the intensity of the beginning wanes and so it goes.

Strangely though, today was really the first day I thought, it is genuinely true that no one cares what underwear I wear today. It was kind of sad as it has been nice to think of Him as I decided whether it was matching panties and bra. Even if he didn't know - I knew that I thought of what would hopefully please Him. It's actually the first time since April that I thought that no one really wants to know. (In case you're curious, it ended up as a purple bra and black cotton panties - not very exciting.)

By the way, this is NOT an advertisement for a lot of men to send me messages of how they want to be my Dom. I need to step away from that intensity and just relax a bit. But I'm feeling rather odd without the chain and thinking about the things I've learned about myself in the last 6 months with experiences with 2 very different Doms.

I'm not sure how to fit my submission into the regular world, but know that my next foray, when I'm ready, will probably be offline and so probably vanilla. Which makes me sad, because the intensity of submission is so wonderful. The overwhelming feeling of being empty and waiting for Sir to be that entity that fills me. The need to serve wholly and how that satisfies a desire that is at such a primal level in me. But I can't keep doing it online - it is ultimately unsatisfying and I want the actual feel of flesh on flesh. I just don't think the usual dating site is going to have those kinks...

I know there are munches and potential places to meet other people, but I'm not sure I'm that brave on my own, and I don't know anyone else who is my way inclined locally to share the experience with. And all of this is just random thoughts as I don't intend to do anything for a bit. Just lurk around on here probably and come back into my body, not as Sir's plaything, but as me.

Sorry if people were looking for something salacious... just random wandering thoughts from a newly freed sub.

titania

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Unfortunately that is the fate of many an online relationship, its always tough but especially after a longish period like that.
I think you will find it is very tough to go back to vanilla, once you've had kink you will miss it not being in your life.
I would advise to try a munch, they are definitely the easiest way in to meeting other local kinksters and are (usually) totally non threatening and easy to mix in. I'm not suggesting you go there looking for anyone initially but rather to get a feel of the types of people who are into this and to try to build some confidence again.
Good luck!

 

[fairtitania]

Thanks Dr! I'm having some strange fantasies that I go out with someone who just happens to be a Dom - oooh, isn't that lucky?! Not sure what the chances are of that. I do wonder about how vanilla will be, but it would be actual rather than virtual hands, so in that case, an improvement.

There is a local munch, but my town is so small, that I wonder about trying one in a larger town nearby. But at the moment, just being a bit quiet. And enjoying the knowledge that I had two very good experiences while they lasted - which, from watching the boards, seems like I was pretty lucky as it was the start.

 

[Younggentleman29]

Are you still looking for a dom?

 

[fairtitania]

No, I'm not, for a lot of reasons. But I've given up on online relationships, don't want to keep it in the virtual world - it's real world or nothing. Sorry.