Tie your boobs at the base. Lube vibrator and plug with icyhot/toothpaste and stuff into proper holes. Make crotch rope to keep them in place. Turn vibe on random or medium. Wear short skirt (no longer then mid-thigh) and stockings with suspenders without underwear. Go into the supermarket, but choose only phallic-shaped objects, one object of each kind (1 carrot, 1 cucumber, 1 banana etc.) for your basket- accompanied by some lube and condoms, of course. Ask a shop assistant (preferably a guy around your age) to help you find biggest cucumber. Take picture of your basket and post in your album. Find male cashier to pay. Then you must edge with each object before eating it. To cum or not is your choice.
Report in details when done.