Starting out

[Ryan]

Hello all. This is my first post here, and I apologise if this is in the wrong place, but I did have a look around and this looks like the most suitable place to post

A bit of background information about me.
I am 21 years old (Male) from England and I am engaged to another 21 year old (Female) (<3 Emma)

I can't really pinpoint when I got interested in the whole BDSM scene, almost as though it was innate with me

A similar setup to another poster I spotted in this subforum, we have a collection of toys/restraints which we do use on each other rather frequently.
A couple of years ago, when I was away with my family, we both started exchanging emails about a possible experiment with D/s. We agreed (when I got home) to try a day or a weekend as the other person's submissive.

I consider myself to be somewhat a switch, due to enjoying tying up and being tied up. However, Emma seems to enjoy more of the submissive side of things.

The weekends both went very well, with Emma attempting being the dominant first, then me the weekend after.

---------------

Anyway. We are now looking to get a place to live and I know she enjoyed being a sub/slave for the weekend and want to ask her if she would be willing to try it on a larger-scale, say, over a month or something.
We communicate very well, but this just seems like a hell of a lot to ask her if you can get where I'm coming from?

Would anyone be able to recommend a way for me to ask her?



Anyway. Thankyou for your time, and hopefully someone will reply

 

[PaddleFan]

I'll take a stab at this. My partner and I both really enjoy playing at D/s, but it's definately not a full-time thing in our case. So I think I see where you're coming from. It would be nice to have a sub for, say, a month. However, going from one day to a full month is a big jump.

If you want to dive in deeper to the D/s relationship, I suggest doing it in smaller steps. Bring up the weekend you two enjoyed and say, "Hon, that was a lot of fun. I'd like to try that again." See if she agrees to another weekend.

Assuming another weekend of subing goes well, then try it for a little longer. A week, perhaps. If she still likes the idea, suggest extending it further.

Your partner may love being a sub, but she may also want a vanilla 50-50 relationship for a while. I think it's important to ease her into longer stretchs so she doesn't get overwhelmed by the whole thing.
Maybe even ask her, "Hey, that wekend was fun. How would you feel about doing a longer session?" Let her pick a time length. She might jump for a month, or she might jst want one day of being tied up.

 

[Ryan]

I see what you're getting at.

I will probably go with your last point about mentioning the fun we had before, and asking about a longer session perhaps.
Obviously, it's quite a delicate and big subject to bring up so I'll have to be a bit careful about it

If she says a week and it goes well, she might even want to just continue which would be pretty 'swish' in my opinion


Thanks for the reply by the way

 

[PaddleFan]

I aim to please. I agree, if my partner agreed to a full week of submission, it would be pretty swish.

 

[Ryan]

Just hearing that phrase 'swish' makes me think how awesome it is and how I should be saying it more

 

[PaddleFan]

I feel the same way, both about "swish" and "sa-wing". Words which are under-used.
Good luck with getting your girlfriend tied up again. Let us know how that goes.

 

[Ryan]

Well.

Last night, we didn't get a whole lot of D/s going, but we were watching a movie and we started at it. She grabbed my hair and tugged on it pretty harshly, so I stopped, tied her arms behind her and watched TV for 40 minutes before I started again. (There were reasons for this ) She must have liked it because I got some rather 'interesting' texts at work this morning from her

I'm probably going to bring the subject up tonight

 

[Anjelen]

Some fun start-up tips for you -

- Have fun. Don't take yourself too seriously, particularly not if you're the dom(me); a good sense of humor breaks tension more than anything.

- Get together some time and consider a set of simple to remember rules; again remind yourself of the 'have fun' rule. Just have a giggle and see what the two of you come up with that makes each of you blush - in anticipation, perhaps? Examples:

* The sub will adress the Dom(me) as Master, or Misstress, for the duration of play. pretty basic, but you'd be surprised at the impact a simple restriction like this can have.
* The sub will only speak in the third person, adressing themselves as 'this slave' for the duration of play. Again, the impact here is pretty interesting.

Both of the above rules also allow for an easy 'out' of play; when the sub doesn't feel comfortable, they can simply forego these rules to indicate such.

* The sub will not use the furniture. They will sit on their knees as much as possible, or on their rear against the dom(me)'s legs - unless specificaly invited 'up'.

- Dedicate an hour to speaking only truths. Then enjoy teasing the other into telling more and more of their 'secret' fantasies.

- et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

 

[PaddleFan]

I'd like to add to the list of advice, don't forget to have a safe word.

 

[Ryan]

Ok... I shall give this a go at replying to the separate things in your message

- Have fun. Don't take yourself too seriously, particularly not if you're the dom(me); a good sense of humor breaks tension more than anything.

This is a great idea. Obviously, with rules, things might get a little contradictory.
I think the thing that worries me most about this rule is finding the correct balance of seriousness and fun-ness.

- Get together some time and consider a set of simple to remember rules; again remind yourself of the 'have fun' rule. Just have a giggle and see what the two of you come up with that makes each of you blush - in anticipation, perhaps? Examples:

* The sub will adress the Dom(me) as Master, or Misstress, for the duration of play. pretty basic, but you'd be surprised at the impact a simple restriction like this can have.
* The sub will only speak in the third person, adressing themselves as 'this slave' for the duration of play. Again, the impact here is pretty interesting.

Both of the above rules also allow for an easy 'out' of play; when the sub doesn't feel comfortable, they can simply forego these rules to indicate such.

* The sub will not use the furniture. They will sit on their knees as much as possible, or on their rear against the dom(me)'s legs - unless specificaly invited 'up'.

Rules are my main stumbling block now.

Using the ones you have supplied me with, I have a rough thing in this:

1: Address: you are to address Me as Master at all times in private or in the presence of other BDSM lifestyle people. In public, you are to address Me as Sir.
you are to refer to yourself as 'this girl'.

Whenever you do speak to me, you are to end the sentence with the name appropriate to the situation.

In written communication, you are always to refer to yourself as 'this girl' (lower case) and Me as Master (upper-case M).

2: you are not to use the furniture unless it is specified that you may do so.
you will kneel by My side with your eyes facing the floor and hands behind your back.

3: Attire: you are to wear your collar at all times. The key to the lock will be in a safe which only I (and one close friend) know the combination to.
When in private, you are to wear only your set of fishnets and heeled shoes. These are expected to be kept clean.

In public, you are to wear your heels unless the occasion is unsuitable. Other clothes will be chosen by Me on the day.

That's pretty much all I've got... If you can think of any more, it would be a MASSIVE help.

As for the safeword... that's all under control. We tend to use the same one each time as it is significant for us


I have spoken to her about this, and she does want to do it.

The other thing I want to get onto is the punishments for her.
There are a couple of things which she has not tried either much at all, but she said she might try them at some point.

These are anal play (I have given this a go a couple of times with her, but no plugs or anything major before, just fingers.)
Nipple clamps. I have pulled, twisted and done various other things with them, but she has always seemed nervous about using clamps or clothes pegs.
Perhaps a light pair of clamps and a small plug could be implemented as a trial punishment thing.

What would people's views on this be?

Other punishments I can think of would be extended periods of restraint, gagging, blindfolding and predicament bondage.

Any replies would be much appreciated.

 

[PaddleFan]

I would add spanking and standing in the corner for minor offenses.

 

[Mistress Jules]

Hi have you blindfolded her and tried the nipple clamps, you would be surprised how much my subs have enjoyed these without knowing what they were.

From the safe word idea may i also add a safe sign when the sub is unable to speak