Raise your hand if you think a Dom is Self Centered? Bossy? Emotionless? Uncaring? Someone that will do whatever to get what they want?
I hope no one reading this has their hand up. I don't think any of those are present on a good Dom. The opposite would be more true.
Disagree? Read on then.
Self Centered
To be a good Dom you must keep your sub in mind at all times. More so when in a scene. To be a good Dom you must focus on their likes and dislikes. You must come up with ways to weave those into your own likes. You must put the safety of the sub above anything else. You must put the satisfaction of the sub right below that. The further you guide the sub into submission or humiliation or degradation or pain the more you must forget yourself as you watch out for them.
Bossy
This one seems true on the surface but look deeper. If you just boss your sub into every scene are they really fully into it? If they didn't want to try it on the first place can the really submit completely? I say no. I am not saying don't help you sub expand there comfort zone, or press their limits. I am saying talk them into it. Convince them it isn't to much. Help them trust that you will protect them. Assure them the punishment is to help them learn.
Emotionless
While it is helpful for a Dom to ask their emotions at times they can not be emotionless. To take care of their sub they must not only worry about their own emotions but the subs as well. The Dom must know when emotions go from positive to negative. They must be able to sense when closet time is shifting from the sense of abandonment to the sense of desperation. They must know a cry of pain from a cry of desperation.
Uncaring
To a vanilla seeing a Dom break down their sub could seem very uncaring, even cruel. What isn't evident is how much caring went into building the bond that allows the Dom to so completely dominate the sub. How much nurturing of trust went into allowing the sub to so completely submit to the Dom. How much the Dom cares that he will not only stand by but subject the sub to "negative" things in helping them explore experiences.
Someone that will do whatever to get what they want
This one is kind of true. The Dom will do anything and everything for their sub. They will forget themselves when applying aftercare to make sure their sub is ok. They will set aside their own pleasure to tend their sub.
Of course that isn't what I meant when I said it originally. Then I was referring to someone who would simply use control to get what they want with no thoughts of the sub. Someone that build just enough trust to takes advantage of the sub. Someone who is more interested in selfish desires then the subs well being. This is not a Dom. This is an asshole.
I hope no one reading this has their hand up. I don't think any of those are present on a good Dom. The opposite would be more true.
Disagree? Read on then.
Self Centered
To be a good Dom you must keep your sub in mind at all times. More so when in a scene. To be a good Dom you must focus on their likes and dislikes. You must come up with ways to weave those into your own likes. You must put the safety of the sub above anything else. You must put the satisfaction of the sub right below that. The further you guide the sub into submission or humiliation or degradation or pain the more you must forget yourself as you watch out for them.
Bossy
This one seems true on the surface but look deeper. If you just boss your sub into every scene are they really fully into it? If they didn't want to try it on the first place can the really submit completely? I say no. I am not saying don't help you sub expand there comfort zone, or press their limits. I am saying talk them into it. Convince them it isn't to much. Help them trust that you will protect them. Assure them the punishment is to help them learn.
Emotionless
While it is helpful for a Dom to ask their emotions at times they can not be emotionless. To take care of their sub they must not only worry about their own emotions but the subs as well. The Dom must know when emotions go from positive to negative. They must be able to sense when closet time is shifting from the sense of abandonment to the sense of desperation. They must know a cry of pain from a cry of desperation.
Uncaring
To a vanilla seeing a Dom break down their sub could seem very uncaring, even cruel. What isn't evident is how much caring went into building the bond that allows the Dom to so completely dominate the sub. How much nurturing of trust went into allowing the sub to so completely submit to the Dom. How much the Dom cares that he will not only stand by but subject the sub to "negative" things in helping them explore experiences.
Someone that will do whatever to get what they want
This one is kind of true. The Dom will do anything and everything for their sub. They will forget themselves when applying aftercare to make sure their sub is ok. They will set aside their own pleasure to tend their sub.
Of course that isn't what I meant when I said it originally. Then I was referring to someone who would simply use control to get what they want with no thoughts of the sub. Someone that build just enough trust to takes advantage of the sub. Someone who is more interested in selfish desires then the subs well being. This is not a Dom. This is an asshole.
I'm so glad that I'm not alone in challenging the typical d/s relationships that happen on this site. So many people who call themselves doms are how you originally described them. They lack the skill to be a real dom so they just find someone that they can use as their personal sex toy and not care about how they feel. Because of this, many subs believe that all doms are like this and are afraid to ever find someone. Others just let themselves be abused. It's really sad, if you think about it.
