I'm a new dom looking for some help being a dom. i was sent here from the site getdare and have been a sub there for learning purposes, and I learned I much rather be a dom as it is much more enjoyable for me. I'm looking for someone to help me or even teach me in how to be a dom. Or just some general advice on this thread.
Any advice for a new Dom?
- Thread starter Pcjammer
- Start date
Here are a good advice, think in your sub allways, be a dom is not do whatever you want with your sub, she or he is a person too with needs and fears just as many of us, before all be sure to talk and learn the way your sub enjoy his submisson, some enjoy by sexual games another by silly games, some others by pain.
So as a Dom you must have the ability to learn details hiden in your subs and use it on his favor an then they will guive you respect obidience and recognition as a good master.
There are many types of doms as people on this planet, kinky type, funny type, sadistic type, all mighty type, try to be a confident, polite, respectfull and strict Master.
Hope this help you and sorry for dont guive you the detail manual for Doms teachers edition (I have one but is Mine, of my own, my precious) hope others "masters" worry to ask first like you do. Bye
So as a Dom you must have the ability to learn details hiden in your subs and use it on his favor an then they will guive you respect obidience and recognition as a good master.
There are many types of doms as people on this planet, kinky type, funny type, sadistic type, all mighty type, try to be a confident, polite, respectfull and strict Master.
Hope this help you and sorry for dont guive you the detail manual for Doms teachers edition (I have one but is Mine, of my own, my precious) hope others "masters" worry to ask first like you do. Bye
Wow, were to start. First and foremost, you always have to remember she is a person, you never hurt her in anger or on purpose, her or any slaves. That's a golden rule.
You need to make sure that you tell her, that your a new Dom, or Master, so she is understands that you lack knowledge and your learning, and if she's a experience sub she will help you learn faster.
Get a mentor to help you out, and read anything and everything on the subject.
It's good that you started out as a sub, that's how I first started, then I learned nope being a sub isn't for me, at least you have a sense of your identity now.
I'm going to be honest with you, I trained girls face to face, and just started on the internet. The internet is hell of a lot harder than face to face. It's up to you, i'm just going to toss it out there, have you ever thought of going to munchies, and seeing if there is anybody interesting there?
Relationship wise, which you will be in charge of, the three important things are communication, honesty, trust. If you don't enforce those three, the relationship is doom to fail.
I'll be back, to give you more pointers, it's late and my mind is shot right now.
You need to make sure that you tell her, that your a new Dom, or Master, so she is understands that you lack knowledge and your learning, and if she's a experience sub she will help you learn faster.
Get a mentor to help you out, and read anything and everything on the subject.
It's good that you started out as a sub, that's how I first started, then I learned nope being a sub isn't for me, at least you have a sense of your identity now.
I'm going to be honest with you, I trained girls face to face, and just started on the internet. The internet is hell of a lot harder than face to face. It's up to you, i'm just going to toss it out there, have you ever thought of going to munchies, and seeing if there is anybody interesting there?
Relationship wise, which you will be in charge of, the three important things are communication, honesty, trust. If you don't enforce those three, the relationship is doom to fail.
I'll be back, to give you more pointers, it's late and my mind is shot right now.
Ok, back,
An a important thing is that you want to make a impact on your slave's psyche. When you do, it's very profound to them, and makes the relationship stronger, let me give you a example, but I have to use real life, again, i'm new to on line.
I was given a collar to a girl, it was her first collar from anybody, and it was a consideration collar. I went over to her house, and had her strip, and take the inspection stance. She knew that she was going to get the collar that day, and I put it around her neck and snapped it on. She had a shit eating grin on her face, as she kept her eyes bared down, she was very happy. I went thru with the rest of the inspection, and I slid my finger between her pussy lips and I felt, she was dripping wet.
She must of be dieing to please me, once I gave her the order to come out of the stance. I told her good girl, your going to make a fine slave, and I got my stuff and left, while she was still in the inspection stance.
When I got home I had 8 messages on the answer machine from her, with that little action had a profound impact on her.
ANYTIME, you can impact the psyche, you have to do it. Even if the relationship breaks up, believe me when she's 70, she will remember you name, and not the guy with brown hair and green eyes.
I'll post another one tomorrow, hehehe, and drag this out.
I love cliff hanging people.
An a important thing is that you want to make a impact on your slave's psyche. When you do, it's very profound to them, and makes the relationship stronger, let me give you a example, but I have to use real life, again, i'm new to on line.
I was given a collar to a girl, it was her first collar from anybody, and it was a consideration collar. I went over to her house, and had her strip, and take the inspection stance. She knew that she was going to get the collar that day, and I put it around her neck and snapped it on. She had a shit eating grin on her face, as she kept her eyes bared down, she was very happy. I went thru with the rest of the inspection, and I slid my finger between her pussy lips and I felt, she was dripping wet.
She must of be dieing to please me, once I gave her the order to come out of the stance. I told her good girl, your going to make a fine slave, and I got my stuff and left, while she was still in the inspection stance.
When I got home I had 8 messages on the answer machine from her, with that little action had a profound impact on her.
ANYTIME, you can impact the psyche, you have to do it. Even if the relationship breaks up, believe me when she's 70, she will remember you name, and not the guy with brown hair and green eyes.
I'll post another one tomorrow, hehehe, and drag this out.
I love cliff hanging people.
Ok, that next section I'm going to have to break it down, into a few posts.
As for communications it falls heavy onto the Master, as in the way of hearing the slave, and if she has any problems. In a perfect world the slave should be happy, and bouncing around with bells on her nipples, doing her choirs.
Then one day, you come home, and there is something wrong, she isn't her happy self. Then you ask the question, what's wrong? Now this is were Master's are made, listening, and "Comprehending" what she is saying. She says, I'm a bad slave, I'm a bad girlfriend, I'm a slut. Now you think back if she didn't anything wrong, nope, perfect service, and all you want to do is blow it off, and eat and get some sleep. Big mistake, you have a monster to kill, it's called guilt. She is feeling guilty about something, and it's your job to find out, and take action.
Now you have to dig for the answer, and even dig into her past relationships with other guys, and sure enough, you find out that she cheated on a boyfriend in the past, and the guilt has resurfaced. Her actions in the past trashed a relationship, and now if you don't do anything, it's going to trash this relationship, and you have to take action to prevent that, after all your the Master, and the relationship is your responsibility. If the relationship last, pat yourself on the back on doing a great job, but if it doesn't your the only one to blame, it's your fault it failed.
(Next, dealing with guilt)
As for communications it falls heavy onto the Master, as in the way of hearing the slave, and if she has any problems. In a perfect world the slave should be happy, and bouncing around with bells on her nipples, doing her choirs.
Then one day, you come home, and there is something wrong, she isn't her happy self. Then you ask the question, what's wrong? Now this is were Master's are made, listening, and "Comprehending" what she is saying. She says, I'm a bad slave, I'm a bad girlfriend, I'm a slut. Now you think back if she didn't anything wrong, nope, perfect service, and all you want to do is blow it off, and eat and get some sleep. Big mistake, you have a monster to kill, it's called guilt. She is feeling guilty about something, and it's your job to find out, and take action.
Now you have to dig for the answer, and even dig into her past relationships with other guys, and sure enough, you find out that she cheated on a boyfriend in the past, and the guilt has resurfaced. Her actions in the past trashed a relationship, and now if you don't do anything, it's going to trash this relationship, and you have to take action to prevent that, after all your the Master, and the relationship is your responsibility. If the relationship last, pat yourself on the back on doing a great job, but if it doesn't your the only one to blame, it's your fault it failed.
(Next, dealing with guilt)
I'm following. Please don't take the conversation off the board. It's interesting.
The one thing about dealing with guilt and the sub is that they have a reset button, Now you have to hit the reset button with pain. Now I worked with slaves, and dealing with guilt with them is a little more harsher, because they devote there life to service.
First off how much pain, for the same issue for example, they fucked up there last relationship, by cheating, each different sub will reset at a different of pain and how much, let me attach a link to this. http://www.angelfire.com/ms/myhaven/...ubmission.html
Ok, as you can see there are 9 different types of subs. Now say you give a task, like do the dishes, and the sub breaks a plate, and has guilt from fucking up. Now for getting rid of the guilt, your using punishment. I'm going to just keep to the 3 major subs Lil, sub, slave. The Lil you can just knee her in the corner, the sub, you'll going to have to put over your knee, and the slave, your going to have to cane her. I'm sure you heard the old saying the punishment must fit the crime, Nope, wrong, the punishment must fit the guilt.
What you want to do is make them think in there mind "They paid the price for there fuck up" Once you have that, your good to go, and she happy. If your punishment is too weak, she going to get the feeling that she did not total pay the price, and still have some guilt left over. NOW this is the stupid part, If you were too light handed with her, she will say something to you. Like, I still feel really bad about breaking the dish. Now you have to punish her again, and explain to her, what your trying to do, wipe her slate clean, so she can be happy, and she needs to understand that, before you punish her again.
Now if you over punish. Your going to give her a case of depression. If you get this, just lift her spirits, with praise or rewards, but make sure she earned it.
Now with the punishment the biggest single mistake is this, if a Master over or under punishes, and this will kill the sub trust with these two words "I'm sorry". Even if you fuck up, never say those words unless you want to end your relationship.
We will get into that once we hit "Control"
First off how much pain, for the same issue for example, they fucked up there last relationship, by cheating, each different sub will reset at a different of pain and how much, let me attach a link to this. http://www.angelfire.com/ms/myhaven/...ubmission.html
Ok, as you can see there are 9 different types of subs. Now say you give a task, like do the dishes, and the sub breaks a plate, and has guilt from fucking up. Now for getting rid of the guilt, your using punishment. I'm going to just keep to the 3 major subs Lil, sub, slave. The Lil you can just knee her in the corner, the sub, you'll going to have to put over your knee, and the slave, your going to have to cane her. I'm sure you heard the old saying the punishment must fit the crime, Nope, wrong, the punishment must fit the guilt.
What you want to do is make them think in there mind "They paid the price for there fuck up" Once you have that, your good to go, and she happy. If your punishment is too weak, she going to get the feeling that she did not total pay the price, and still have some guilt left over. NOW this is the stupid part, If you were too light handed with her, she will say something to you. Like, I still feel really bad about breaking the dish. Now you have to punish her again, and explain to her, what your trying to do, wipe her slate clean, so she can be happy, and she needs to understand that, before you punish her again.
Now if you over punish. Your going to give her a case of depression. If you get this, just lift her spirits, with praise or rewards, but make sure she earned it.
Now with the punishment the biggest single mistake is this, if a Master over or under punishes, and this will kill the sub trust with these two words "I'm sorry". Even if you fuck up, never say those words unless you want to end your relationship.
We will get into that once we hit "Control"
Picking the right person for the relationship:
Read this: http://www.sirbamm.com/domination.html
Now as you can see there are different Doms too. Now when looking for a relationship, you want to pick your opposite. Other words Master/slave, Dom/sub, Daddy/lil girl.
WHY, your asking, ok, let's see how this plays out.
Master, and a sub, the Master wants all the control 24/7, and the sub in the bedroom only. Master unhappy in relationship, and the sub is tried of being told what to do.
Slave/Dom, slave wants to submit 24/7, but the Dom wants her to decide on her own. The kiss of dead, so what do you want to do tonight. The slave only wants to follow, once she gives up control, she doesn't want it back.
Master/lil girl. lil are very special in there own, they can top from the bottom, and the daddy lets them get away with it, especially a princess. If I had a date or a relationship with one, she would be duck taped to the wall.
It is so easy to get excite, when somebody replies to you, and takes interest in you, that you lose site of what the end results will be. So when looking, it's best to look and hold out for your complete opposite.
Ok, "control" tomorrow or the next day, and i'm trying to steer us towards "hell week", when your slave, or sub moves in with you, and they are now your property, how to take control, and keep it. Then we will do deeping submission, and power and submission play.
Read this: http://www.sirbamm.com/domination.html
Now as you can see there are different Doms too. Now when looking for a relationship, you want to pick your opposite. Other words Master/slave, Dom/sub, Daddy/lil girl.
WHY, your asking, ok, let's see how this plays out.
Master, and a sub, the Master wants all the control 24/7, and the sub in the bedroom only. Master unhappy in relationship, and the sub is tried of being told what to do.
Slave/Dom, slave wants to submit 24/7, but the Dom wants her to decide on her own. The kiss of dead, so what do you want to do tonight. The slave only wants to follow, once she gives up control, she doesn't want it back.
Master/lil girl. lil are very special in there own, they can top from the bottom, and the daddy lets them get away with it, especially a princess. If I had a date or a relationship with one, she would be duck taped to the wall.
It is so easy to get excite, when somebody replies to you, and takes interest in you, that you lose site of what the end results will be. So when looking, it's best to look and hold out for your complete opposite.
Ok, "control" tomorrow or the next day, and i'm trying to steer us towards "hell week", when your slave, or sub moves in with you, and they are now your property, how to take control, and keep it. Then we will do deeping submission, and power and submission play.
Control
Ok, now for the fun part, there are two different types of control, mental and psychical. I'll explain mental first, then psychical in the next post, and psychical would be orgasms, bathroom, clothing, and so forth.
Mental control, this is a huge subject, so i'll break it down, into several area, but first in the other post, I said never say your sorry, why? Because when your working with a slave or sub, they have to accept that you are human, and bound to fuck up. So the slave/sub, knows this and accepts this when they come to you, but when you say I'm sorry, it show direct weakness, that your not sure of yourself. They don't want that
(will contune, something came up)
Ok, now for the fun part, there are two different types of control, mental and psychical. I'll explain mental first, then psychical in the next post, and psychical would be orgasms, bathroom, clothing, and so forth.
Mental control, this is a huge subject, so i'll break it down, into several area, but first in the other post, I said never say your sorry, why? Because when your working with a slave or sub, they have to accept that you are human, and bound to fuck up. So the slave/sub, knows this and accepts this when they come to you, but when you say I'm sorry, it show direct weakness, that your not sure of yourself. They don't want that
(will contune, something came up)
(Cont,) so when the sub/slave looks at you, which one do you think they want to see, somebody that is human, or the weakness. Think about it.
Ok, guess we start at the very basics with control. The first one is speech, on both, how the sub/slave and D/M speaks.
The first thing in training should be teaching your sub/slave (Going to use s/s from now on, and D/M for Dom and Master or Mistress) to speak correctly.
s/s should never use "I" or "no" or "okay" or "me". When speaking the "I" should be slave or sub, for example. If I have Master permission I would like to go for a drive. It should be "If slave has Master permission, slave would like to go for a drive." Another example, "I am doing laundry now Master is there anything you would like me too do?" Correct way, "slave is doing laundry now Master, is there anything you would like slave to do?"
Oh, for the Mistress out there reading, more than likely your'll run into this, it's rare for a Master to have one, but a "object", would address themselves as "It"
Ok, now I know some of you are going what is a object. A object is a person who has taken submission to the deepest level, and don't identified as a human anymore, but as a piece of furniture, or as a ashtray holder, either in it's mouth, or it's asshole. Isn't that cool, wants you to take up smoking.
Moving on, s/s never say no, because that is a "direct" confrontation with the D/M, they are aloud to disagree, BUT, they need to word it differently, and in a positive way. But the D/M has the final say, and if the D/M is smart, and listens to the s/s concern, and take that into consideration, before they make a call. Also it would be smart on the D/M part to repeat back parts of the s/s concern so they know they were heard, and tell them how to came to your final decision.
For example, you come home, and you walk in the door and is greeting by your s/s. You say, girl get your dress on, were are going out tonight to eat. Her reply is; No, you promised me tonight we would go out and pick up my new iphone. Ok, that's a hang em high, and hmm, I haven't used my number 9 scourge in a while.
Now the correct way, in the door you go, girl get your dress out, we are going out to dinner. Her response, Wow, that sound yummy, but slave was looking forward to picking up her new iphone today. You respond, I understand about the iphone, but the dinner is a surprise birthday party for your slave friend Sandy. We can pick up your phone any time, but her birthday only comes once a year, and I'm sure she would be heart broken if you don't show up.
Next the word Okay, this is simple, s/s should use, yes sir or mam. Simple right? Wrong. This word here I would have to say is the most punished word that will come out of your s/s mouth. Its a hard one to correct.
Now next post, words the D/M need to change and how to speak, and how all this works control wise.
If your looking for a punishment to correct your s/s on this training. I use 10 slaps to the back of the hand. If your texting, ask for photo proof ever once in a while that punishment has been carried out. The "I" takes about a week for them to learn it, and the "ok" is going to haunt you
Ok, guess we start at the very basics with control. The first one is speech, on both, how the sub/slave and D/M speaks.
The first thing in training should be teaching your sub/slave (Going to use s/s from now on, and D/M for Dom and Master or Mistress) to speak correctly.
s/s should never use "I" or "no" or "okay" or "me". When speaking the "I" should be slave or sub, for example. If I have Master permission I would like to go for a drive. It should be "If slave has Master permission, slave would like to go for a drive." Another example, "I am doing laundry now Master is there anything you would like me too do?" Correct way, "slave is doing laundry now Master, is there anything you would like slave to do?"
Oh, for the Mistress out there reading, more than likely your'll run into this, it's rare for a Master to have one, but a "object", would address themselves as "It"
Ok, now I know some of you are going what is a object. A object is a person who has taken submission to the deepest level, and don't identified as a human anymore, but as a piece of furniture, or as a ashtray holder, either in it's mouth, or it's asshole. Isn't that cool, wants you to take up smoking.
Moving on, s/s never say no, because that is a "direct" confrontation with the D/M, they are aloud to disagree, BUT, they need to word it differently, and in a positive way. But the D/M has the final say, and if the D/M is smart, and listens to the s/s concern, and take that into consideration, before they make a call. Also it would be smart on the D/M part to repeat back parts of the s/s concern so they know they were heard, and tell them how to came to your final decision.
For example, you come home, and you walk in the door and is greeting by your s/s. You say, girl get your dress on, were are going out tonight to eat. Her reply is; No, you promised me tonight we would go out and pick up my new iphone. Ok, that's a hang em high, and hmm, I haven't used my number 9 scourge in a while.
Now the correct way, in the door you go, girl get your dress out, we are going out to dinner. Her response, Wow, that sound yummy, but slave was looking forward to picking up her new iphone today. You respond, I understand about the iphone, but the dinner is a surprise birthday party for your slave friend Sandy. We can pick up your phone any time, but her birthday only comes once a year, and I'm sure she would be heart broken if you don't show up.
Next the word Okay, this is simple, s/s should use, yes sir or mam. Simple right? Wrong. This word here I would have to say is the most punished word that will come out of your s/s mouth. Its a hard one to correct.
Now next post, words the D/M need to change and how to speak, and how all this works control wise.
If your looking for a punishment to correct your s/s on this training. I use 10 slaps to the back of the hand. If your texting, ask for photo proof ever once in a while that punishment has been carried out. The "I" takes about a week for them to learn it, and the "ok" is going to haunt you
I think it's great Pcjammer that you've asked for advice and are happy to admit your inexperience in a Dominant role. I think talking to other Dominants will help you, talking to subs will help you too. At the end of the day though, you will find your own style. Not all subs enjoy pain, not all subs want to be collared and not all subs take the high protocol rituals and language seriously or are even remotely interested in that area. If you are into inflicting pain, want the responsibility of a collared submissive and are delighted by high protocol you will need to find a sub that fits you.....and therein lies the rub. Finding the right person for you. There's no one size fits all and finding a person that fits with you is a process. The more experienced you become the more confident you will become in your own style and requirements. Personally I find very 'in your face' Dominants very off putting and when they insist I call them Sir within 10 minutes of chatting I can't help but start backing out of the conversation. A Dominant once said to me that he loved the process of watching a new submissive gently slide into her role, with no pushing or forcing, just allowing her to get there in her own time. Submissives want to submit, we enjoy the control and want to hand it over. That can't be forced though it needs to be coaxed, at the beginning at least. Once you've become more established you can start experimenting with kinks. It takes time and patience to get to that point though. My advice is to take your time, talk to a variety of submissives, see what they like, ask questions, be interested, pay attention to what she responds well to and what irritates her. She'll let you know if she feels you're interested. When it happens naturally it really is a beautiful thing to witness. Good luck!
The advice from MaryGaye is very sound.
One thing often forgotten in the discussion about Dom/sub, Master/slave is the fact that it is still a relationship. As such you need to be compatible in many or even most ways, and not just the kinks. Finding someone who suits you kink wise and has the time and overall lifestyle that fits with you takes time.
Pleasant as it may seem to some to have a 24/7 slave, people have to work, they get sick, have family to deal with and so on. In short real life intrudes into kink world all the time so being able to accommodate and cope with the non-kink aspects of your potential subs life is just as important as the kink matching.
Its a bit like starting out dating all over only this time instead of the simple concept of "will she fuck me/suck my dick" you also have "will she let me, whip her, spank her, tie her up, drip hot wax on her, etc, etc.
Bottom line, don't be in too much of a hurry and don't be disappointed if the first few potentials don't work out.
One thing often forgotten in the discussion about Dom/sub, Master/slave is the fact that it is still a relationship. As such you need to be compatible in many or even most ways, and not just the kinks. Finding someone who suits you kink wise and has the time and overall lifestyle that fits with you takes time.
Pleasant as it may seem to some to have a 24/7 slave, people have to work, they get sick, have family to deal with and so on. In short real life intrudes into kink world all the time so being able to accommodate and cope with the non-kink aspects of your potential subs life is just as important as the kink matching.
Its a bit like starting out dating all over only this time instead of the simple concept of "will she fuck me/suck my dick" you also have "will she let me, whip her, spank her, tie her up, drip hot wax on her, etc, etc.
Bottom line, don't be in too much of a hurry and don't be disappointed if the first few potentials don't work out.
Ok, the next fews posts, I don't want to give the subs heart attacks, and have them call protective services on me, so I'm taking it off public posting, it's going to be dealing more with Master/slave relationships, and control, I know PC your game, and I know Green your interested too, anybody else, speak up.