Discipline: Who needs it more?

[Calypso19]

Hello all

Typically Dominants are thought of as those who administer discipline to submissives who require and desire it. However, do submissives really need it more than we do?

Case: When i was 17 i was in a M/s relationship with my now ex gf, I frequently gave her chastity punishments of upto a month without sex or orgasming as I knew this would drive her loco. However due to my own hormonal desires I couldn't not screw her brains out before the deadline was due. I came to view myself as a failure as a Master in this particular area and it really got to me.

So my question is this, do the Dominants require more discipline than the submissive in order to see punishments through? Or is it just me?
As, for me, in many cases, whenever i punished my sub it really got to me that I had to punish her, except for the spankings, we both loved those

 

[sum1]

I think it's about self dissaplin. I find it really hard to tell Sugar off. I don't think you should see yourself as a failure for it though really. It's more a case of finding punishments and tasks that you both enjoy.

What it sounds like to me is the chasterty thing seemed like a good idea, but when it came down to it you found it was punishing you just as much as it was her. And in that situation you probably want to change tact.

As for the spankings thing well that's more of a (as i've heard called by chloe and merlin) 'funishment'. A word there that should come into common usage i feel to distinguish 'punishments' that both parties enjoy from real punishments, which arn't enjoyable to recieve or if you're in a good and close relationship give.

 

[Komodo Jones]

Well in any d/s relationship I think that both the dominant and the submissive need at least some form of discipline. It's just usually the submissive that gets the physical, and with some dominants mental, pain or distortion. I have had to discipline and punish my slave a few times but other than that she has learned to be very good. At times, I will sometimes give her commands that would seem like punishments such as clothespins or spankings but like sum1 said, it's a command that both of us enjoy. I still have punishments reserved for her that I know she doesn't like just in case if she does disobey.
Back on topic though, dominants need discipline too, but it's mainly their job to realize it and put it on themselves. If dominants, don't do their job, usually their slave will tell them if they're pushing them too hard, and if there's any love in the d/s realtionship sometimes things like this can just break your heart. This serves as a proper discipline as you sometimes feel like you haven't been doing your "job." But you do learn from it.
So in cases, yes usually the sub gets more discipline than the dominant, but the dominant needs to realize limits as well.

 

[His_Einna]

I think it's tricky for younger men; they're not wired to be patient or celibate. I'm in no way prejudiced: I love me :-D But hormonally, they are hard-wired by testosterone to be somewhat impulsive, reckless and sexual. So yes, lots of self-restraint is essential.

 

[freakxxx]

I think it's about self dissaplin. I find it really hard to tell Sugar off.

I find it hard sometimes to tell of my sub too..

I feel discipline is about correcting behaviors you dont like or dont want in your sub so to answer your question a sub needs it a master dont.. although yeah you need some self discipline to be a good Dom.

 

[Anjelen]

Both, obviously, to a degree, need the self-discipline to stay within the ruleset of the relationship present.

However, in my opinion- the Dominant must be the most disciplined of the two; not only does (s)he have to keep the beforementioned ruleset in mind, (s)he must also be constantly aware of their subs' wellbeing and able to act on it; even when a submissive forgets themselves in their subservience, the Dominant must remain composed and in control of both themselves, their submissive, and the effects they have on their submissive.

 

[Ghost]

From a sub point of view

Masters/Mistress definitely need a lot of self control; it can become really hard to follow the rules cause whatever the task you are asking for it can backfire and make you go crazy about it.

In my personal case when I'm punish i can almost feel and see the frustration of my Mistress.

 

[SkateBaker86]

I think it's tricky for younger men; they're not wired to be patient or celibate. I'm in no way prejudiced: I love me :-D But hormonally, they are hard-wired by testosterone to be somewhat impulsive, reckless and sexual. So yes, lots of self-restraint is essential.

I concur...particularly guys like me who are either recently in college, in college, high school, whatever, really--especially guys that play sports--there's almost a need for at the very least dominant if not alpha-type unique person in their daily or socially influenced life.

To give you an example, my friend and I are twenty-something, suburban kids with parents who seem to have no trouble with giving us a card to go to the mall with--hell, my friend still has a visa buxx student card, and his dad still puts money on it, I have not been around my parents or older brother as much because of all the extra-curricular stuff I did, and I'm realizing that Coach isn't going to be waiting, Dad's not asking about graduation, mom's off wherever at the airport, and nearing 23, It's the same old me.

 

[masterlaw]

I concur with the views here, us blokes have to control ourselves alot when it comes to dominating a woman and is very tought until you get used to it a bit more.

WHen your slave gets to know you thou she knows the stuff that turns you on and man you need yourself control then. Anyways slave will know how push your buttons you just got deal with it and turn it on there heads a bit.

slave wise, depends really if its online then defo tons of control needed, in RL not so much due to the nature of BDSM, i.e. tieing up etc...