How do I know if a daddy dom is trustworthy online/in person?

[Vampiric_Lust]

How do I know if a daddy dom (or any type of daddy dom) if trustworthy online or in person?
Men brag about having a slave, subs, fuck buddy but this doesn't tell me how experienced they are with kink in general.
Obviously any man/woman could lie about being experienced online or in person or appear to be someone they are not, so I have a perceived idea of who they are as a person but they lied to be charming to get what they want from me.
Men automatically expect me to trust them,to be their slave when I am a sub.
Not sure if men think I am vulnerable or easy to manipulate because I am a sensitive person and I take any potential friendship/relationships seriously

 

[Vampiric_Lust]

This is an example: I am a member of ddlgforum.com there was a guy I was talking to, all he ever said about was sex, how I should masturbate correctly, when I am sexually repressed, and have issues with sex/men due to abuse.
so how am in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable when that is all he ever talked about?? Wtf?
yet he claims he was nice and his "advice" was pure/good. I am not interested in dating anyone/being friends with any creepy 50 year old perverts!

 

[puppetmaster]

I think the best way to figure out of someone is trustworthy is just the standard "getting to know you" conversations. If you feel like they are rushing things, they probably don't have a lot of experience, because those with experience learn to enjoy the process of learning about you while earning your submission, instead of just rushing towards some end-result.

There are people all over the spectrum , some people immediately go to sex, full nudity, and masturbation, others are be perfectly happily with a more subtle approach. There are also a lot of people in D/s who I seem to view it as an easy way to get sex/nudes/etc and don't actually have any D/s leanings. Personally I find it off-putting when people jump straight into full nudity, masturbation, or other more extreme stuff. That is reserved for people I have built trust with over time. But of course everyone has a different comfort level with sex.

The world is huge and there are all kinds of people, so if the chemistry and comfort level doesn't feel a like a good match, move on. If someone isn't willing to acknowledged or respect your comfort levels or past experiences,, then move on. There are plenty of people in this kink with experience or respect for abuse victims and the lasting effects of that. It doesn't make you any less of a submissive to avoid people whom your gut tells you aren't a good match for you.

If there is one thing I've learned in 10+ years of D/s is that no matter what you're into, what your comfort level is, there are others out there who will be the perfect fit from the other side. It's best to just be true to yourself and go after what you want, rather than to try to fit into other peoples ideas of how you should be.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

This is an example: I am a member of ddlgforum.com there was a guy I was talking to, all he ever said about was sex, how I should masturbate correctly, when I am sexually repressed, and have issues with sex/men due to abuse.
so how am in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable when that is all he ever talked about?? Wtf?
yet he claims he was nice and his "advice" was pure/good. I am not interested in dating anyone/being friends with any creepy 50 year old perverts!

Well as with most kinks you will get a wide range of variation in how people interpret things, that was obviously his way and its not for you but some gals into ddlg will no doubt like it. Don't get too judgmental, you're in the kink world where that kind of thing barely rates a blip with most people, just say "no thanks" and move on.
You are also going to hit a lot of creepy 50yo perverts in this area, after all they are a big part of the demographic and having a little girl makes them feel younger. Its a lot more common for older guys to be into ddlg as not too many early 20's have developed any of that nurturing side yet.
You also need to remember they aren't mind readers and often from a brief bio (if they even bother to read it) they won't pick up on everything you want or like. This where you need to have a lot of patience, chat with lots of potentials and be prepared to discard most of them.
It will take time.

 

[subzzzero]

Online or offline, you cant always just "know" if someone its trustworthy.
But your example given was a guy you're talking with only focusing on sex (which here in your posts you make clear thats a negative subject for you) but did you make this issue clear to him during your early conversation?

As far as are they trustworthy about their kink experience? Ask them for details and specifics. The ones with the lack of exp or ones looking for a quick play hoping to pull the wool over your eyes will usually stay very vague and broad. They will use things like "I have had lots of online exp" or "I have had several subs" or "I'm very experienced in all kinks" They also wont be focusing on your needs or much of any negotiation or discussion.

Make your needs, limits, likes, dislikes, preferences, clear in the beginning. A sub friend of mine has a rule with her online play partners... she does no nudity no pics or play for the first week or weeks or whatever set time she deems neccessary. (she verifies legit with a clean pic so they know shes not catfishing) but that's it till trust is earned.

If you don'y like guys in the 50s list it in your limits. At start of convo with a new guy ask him his age. then you can cut him right away if needed. if you dont want sex content list it and make it clear when posting a personal ad or include it in your profile and limits. Communication is the key in all relationships and trust must always be earned. Cmon its the internet full of fakes liars and scams. Tread carefully, trust your gut, and ask, ask, ask, till you get what you want.

Happy searching hope this helps some.

 

[Vampiric_Lust]

I always make it clear that I have issues due to previous abuse, I also make it clear what I do or don't like etc.
He kept trying to encourage me to masturbate, or have sex, I'm not obsessed with sex
There is someone I like he is 35 and I am 31 the only problem is distance, we both want the same thing but I'm unemployed, don't drive and have limited money. I am not judging people for their age, but I repeatedly told the 50 year old guy that I am not obsessed with sex so didn't care about what he was talking about. I would only have sex if/when I have boyfriend because I am monogamous, but wouldn't have sex 24/7.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

I always make it clear that I have issues due to previous abuse, I also make it clear what I do or don't like etc.
He kept trying to encourage me to masturbate, or have sex, I'm not obsessed with sex
There is someone I like he is 35 and I am 31 the only problem is distance, we both want the same thing but I'm unemployed, don't drive and have limited money. I am not judging people for their age, but I repeatedly told the 50 year old guy that I am not obsessed with sex so didn't care about what he was talking about. I would only have sex if/when I have boyfriend because I am monogamous, but wouldn't have sex 24/7.

This describes one the many warning signs to watch for, when someone is pushing you to do things you don't like or don't want to do or seems to be in a rush. If they aren't prepared to go slowly or at least at your pace or if their primary kink interest is something you aren't keen on then its usually best to simply say "thanks but no thanks" and move on.