Online vs. IRL Domme Issues

[Queen2U]

Ok Gals (or Doms, only if related),

I need to know if any of you have ever shared this kind of experience.

You started out with a strictly online relationship with a sub. Time progresses and so does your mutual desire to meet IRL (in real life). So you set it up with time and place - safety being a big priority.

You finally meet, and online you were a ball-busting, dick-twisting, Dominant ass-hurting Bitch, but IRL upon first meeting... you have reservations. After all was said and done, you realized you weren't as tough or strong as you portrayed yourself online through chat, cam, or even phone.

Does this sound familiar? Or is this a common occurrence?

I just wondered, because it happened to me the first time I met my RL sub. It was several years online (somewhere between 8-10 yrs) that we chatted and role-played several sexual scenarios - sometimes extreme. More than half of that time was spent with hours-long phone conversations. BUT...

Once we met, we were still very devoted, loving, and respectful of each other and our roles... but it was sometimes difficult to completely assume the Domme role and play out the more extreme scenes we had commonly talked about before via chat/phone.

Is this the whole "first impressions" kind of thing, or something different?

Please let me know.

After the visit, we discussed things further, and my sub and I are both willing and wanting more. I just hope I have the guts to be more assertive (now that initial meeting is out of the way).

Any thoughts, input, suggestions here?

Thanks,
~Queen2U

 

[JoMo]

This is definitely a problem I've encountered in a slightly different form: as an online master I could be demanding and strict, in real life with different people I found it much harder. My thoughts on this are that online:
1) There's a certain lack of reality about the internet which makes it easier to forget yourself.
2) All control you have is filtered through the other person, nothing that goes wrong would really be your fault, the sub is choosing which of your commands to obey and not obey.

In real life, you're suddenly confronted with the realities of your situation, and have to think a lot harder about how to do everything.

I also find it tough to be able to envisage the fact that people I'm domming in real life genuinely have a submissive mindset, it is still very much an intellectual knowledge for me that some girls think like that. Online, I have an extra bit of time to think about anything, so I can let the intellectual knowledge take over. In real life, your emotional knowledge kicks in just before you slap them or spank them, and all the sting is lost.

My advice would be to talk yourself through it in your head, remember that he likes the ball busting bitch, in advance come up with a few specific things that embody that character and then do them, and fake like they're spontaneous. Once you've had a few iterations of this, you'll have the confirmation that he wants this, and that'll give you the confidence to actually do it.

 

[Queen2U]

Thanks JoMo

Thank you for your insight! I failed to mention that this was with one sub in-particular. Other subs, I've had no problem. I thought that maybe it was because I had so long to develop a D/s AND vanilla relationship with him without meeting that "yes, emotional stress" got involved once we met for first time.

It WILL be interesting if we're able to meet again next year. I'll do what I do whenever public speaking. When having to talk before a big crowd, I seriously imagine putting a hat on that says EXPERT across it, before getting on stage or hitting the podium. But in this case, I'll actually put on my crown/tiara to help boost my character. Teehee!

 

[amiralmurat]

sorry miss for here writing but i cant pm u
i added u because of your nickname miss
im sorry foor the blind add i should have written to you before i send the request.

Likes : orgasm control dares, light pain, webcam live, domination, humiliation, pee time control, soft cbt, bastinado, tickling, forced orgasm, bondage, and any other thing i dont know yet
Limits : poo, family, public touching anything from my ass.
Dislikes: anal


respectfully
amiralmurat

 

[Memories for Life]

Online there isn't any limit to the actions a Dom or sub can take or perform.

In real life, the submissives, who come to me for "correction", feel the need to return to me each week because the "instruction" I'm able to provide them keeps their daily lives focused. I don't go out and seek new subs like I would do online. Usually an existing sub will mention, in confidence, to a "potential" about the "ways" I can change the chaos of their life to a calm everyday existence.

 

[Mistress_Lucie]

I don't do online domination on its own, except very occasionally as a paid a ProDomme (in which case it's your dollar), firstly because I get almost nothing out of it. I have heard almost every lie you can imagine; every unreal fantasy typed by a sad 29 year old virgin who still lives with his mother, every flawed tale from the married man cybercheating on his wife, every schoolboy who's wanking furiously while struggling to string two coherent sentences together. So yes- it's very, very rare I'll indulge someone online if I've not met them for real. Time is too precious.

There is the other side though, as you've highlighted. The interweb superhighnet grants us a safezone between them and us, myself and yourself, and therefore a confidence that real life doesn't. With this confidence we grow newer and better escapades, and build an edifice of a persona that, in many cases, will perhaps not stand up to the scrutiny of a face to face meet.

It's not necessarily that we're false either. It may just be that we're only 4'11" with a squeaky scouse voice and an inner panic that we'll not project the domineering tone that the web persona had. It's easy for self doubt to get in. It is definitely worth it though, or you'll never know.

I relate to real people, in real space. I see their cheeks redden or their face whiten. I hear them catch their breath and watch their fine hairs stand on end. I see their knees tremble, seconds before they buckle. If you don't take the plunge, you'll not get to have those experiences.

I like to personally lock up their cocks with my own hands. I like to call subs online at a moments notice so I can inspect their devices, or supervise their release for a wash, but only if I'm the keyholder and contract holder. It's so much more special if you do it for real.

Lucie xoxo